JOY TO THE WORLD!

IT'S A BOY!!!

Yarn Along

Since last week i still havent found the blue vest. I am starting to freak out a bit. but i did get this done. I havent had time for reading. Other than recipes for the extra house guests. I love my slowcooker!!!

I think that i just might be able to pull this all off. Finish this one, find the blue one and sew ties. Yeah... i can do this. Especially if i dont plan on sleeping.

(this is what i got dont but didnt post to the yarn along because i was too late, so you can see the progress i have made!)

yarn Along

There is so much still to be done. I have to finish one and a half vests. Get crafts ready for busy children next week. Gifts to wrap, laundry, laundry and more laundry. (now that our washer is fixed, it will be so much easier!!!) get a hotel room booked for my parents... and so on and so on. And this is all in addition to my regular duties. Including but not limited to:

• laundry
• cooking
• cleaning
• kissing hurts
• helping get on snow gear
• laundry
• helping get off snow gear
• wiping toilet seats that get peed on
• making beds
• bathing kids
• sewing lessons with a very excited little girl
• baking
• shovelling
• laundry (hopefully all caught up by thursday)

Now... the green and the indigo are still needing to be knit. and the lovely blue one is missing!! If you see it, please let me know. I'm sure it is beside my sanity.

Yarn Along

I stumbled upon this Yarn Along. And i thought to myself, 'i do a lot of knitting!' So i thought i would do a post.

I have been knitting for Christmas. I am done 3 of the 9 things i need to knit. ACK! that is very scary!!! There is so much i still need to knit, and not nearly enough time to do it in.

I am almost half way done one of the projects and cant find the rest of the yarn.... but it just means that i can move on to the next one.

I often struggle with what the ideal me wants and the realistic me is.

I wish i was one of those people who dont watch tv, and they dont let their children play video games. But i AM one of those people. We LOVE tv. And the video games comes honestly from my husband.

I wish we were surrounded by natural toys and games. And we are moving that way. More crafts and such. But i cant get jul to be anything he is not.

Today, being thursday and the day after awana, we do very little. I think what i will do is take pictures of what i want to be, and put them up. What you wont see is that the kids are all looking at the computer, watching the Nutcracker. :D

Ok, ok... here it is:

And there are glimpses of creativity with jul! He just designed a very cool car on his game....

We were privileged to be a part of the Remembrance Day celebrations. We watched as an older man cried for his fallen brothers while laying the wreath.

Later on, Oakley started up a conversation with this man and pointed to the many metals on his chest. He tells Oakley that they are from when he was in Germany. Oakley asks if he won the metals, and the poppy. The kind gentleman smiled and said yes. Then dear, sweet Oakley pipes up:

"I know all about metals," pointing to the mans chest and speaking in the way only Oakley can, "Those metals. And Dinosaurs."

Momma said there'd be days like this...

So, I'm having this rotten day. I am trying my best to have fun with the kids. Make apple butter, pies and jelly. And they are just not being pleasant to be around. And it hits me. My heart is breaking, and in order to try and keep it together, i get angry. I squeeze my heart until i cant breath and all that comes out is anger. (ok ok, that really isnt a new revelation, just i had a day where i actually could see it happening.)

I dont want to be that mom. So, all day long i tried not to get it out. There were a few moments when the anger escaped. The hurt escaped, I should say. I couldnt hold back the crying in the car on the way to get Thomas. I cried because my heart was broken, and i just love my kids so much!

I was wondering how many home-schooling moms (HSM) deal with kids just not listening to them. Mainly because i believe, and i dont know why i believe this, but that other HSM have perfect children who do as they are asked and never need to remind their kids to do their chores.... or their school work. That other HSM never have to raise their voices to get their children's attention. And of course, thinking that way makes me feel like i am a horrible homeschooler. That i am a horrible mom. And that the best thing i could possibly do is put my children in school. Now, this isnt a knock on people who put their kids in school. I believe there is a place for school and that teachers work very hard at what they do, and do a great job at it. But, like any occupation, there are days that you wonder if you made the right career choice. I had one of those days.

I know that it isnt always going to be like this. Messy house, children telling me that they hate me. I know that when i look back on these years,and my grandchildren call me because they think their parents are being unfair, i will smile. I will finally be good at this mothering thing when i no longer have children at home. And that is when i will get to be a GRANDmother. (GRANDparents earned their titles.) So why was today so much harder? Well, sitting and talking to Thomas about it, i think it was really because i was woken 4 times last night. And with that broken sleep, i was unable to parent the way that keeps my heart intact. My heart broke today because i am tired. My children were able to push my buttons in a different way. And they could smell my weakness, so they exploited it. Dont all children?! (that is rhetorical, if you tell me that your children dont, you may very well be banned from my blog.) :)

Today was not apart of our regular routine. I tried something new, on a day that i had little sleep. An exhausting attempt that i ought to have waited to do until i was properly rested. I think i will always question my homeschooling.... you know, the grass is greener on the other side, sort of question. I know. It is still just grass. And things will be different every single day. All i have to do is love my children and purposefully parent. And keep on keeping on. They learn. I just have to facilitate learning, and they learn. Please, dear friends, keep me in check. Remind me from time to time that there are struggles, and that i am not the only one!

An uneducated opinion is no opinion at all.

I have been struggling with the diagnosis that Jul has a severe learning disability, and with it, ADHD. For those who know Jul i'm sure that isnt much of a surprise. But the consequences from this are rather significant. For years i have felt that Jul is so much brighter than what he can show through school work. This is the proof!!! But trying to get him to understand this, and what it will mean is still a struggle.

This will have life long implications. But will he grow out of it? Could this be because the tests are bias to being difficult for children who have difficulties with tests to begin with?

The psychologist suggested we see a paediatrician regarding his ADHD. But now they want to put him on medication. I have always been adamantly opposed to medication. But what if it will help him? I dont oppose wearing glasses because they are needed. I didnt oppose (too much) when the psychologist suggested that he do math with a calculator. (and remedial math to help his skills.) So why am i so opposed to medication if it will help him control himself and aid his ability to learn?

Any thoughts? Any suggestions? Has anyone else dealt with this? Anyone out there who has been diagnosed and struggled with this?! I cannot make an informed decision without knowledge... and i am only getting bias information from health care practitioners.

My Psalm 121

Lord I look to you for my strength and sanity.

I cannot do this alone.

Without you, my work and hope is futile.

But it all comes from you.

When I am weak, you sustain me.

When I rage, you calm me.

When i need your protection, it never fails to show up.

And not just a pinch, but in abundance.

You give me more thank I can hold, and provide me more than I could ever comprehend.

I know that when I am at the end of my rope, you will provide a knot for me to hold on to.

You do this in my times of need and my times of abundance.

And you will continue to do so for all eternity.

I love the smell of yeast proofing.

It feels nice to have Autumn arriving. We are slowly moving back into a routine. Maybe not the routine i dream of, but hopefully one day it will be. the options we have with being home all day, of school in the morning, and love all afternoon.

Cool days, crisp and wonderfully scented. School is done. Supper is simmering on the stove. I think the kids and i will make bread in the afternoon for supper. I love these days. Calm, quiet days. Rain tapping gently on the roof. So much knitting to be done to keep us warm through the winter.

So much going on this week. VBS, driving and driving... meals upon meals. laundry, dishes, packing more meals.

and the great distraction.

plus the dog constantly under foot.

I started writing this while in kingston last. I am coming back this week and needed to finish this.for everyone.

I want to hold onto the this time. My heart is so full that it is overflowing, and i want to catch all the overflow. And there is so much overflow!

I love the moments like rubbing a child's back until their breathing slows and deepens. Their little bodies succumbing to sleep. I love how soft their skin is and smooth their hair. If i could hold onto that moment forever….

It was hard to hold back the tears as i walked into that building. Seeing all the people i love and miss so much gathered together to celebrate the joining of souls. And what a party! Once the music started i had to wipe tears away! If nothing else had happened all day but the music my glass would have overflowed. But there was so much more! The smiles, the exchange, the dishes… so so much.

Sitting on the grass listening to live music. The breeze blowing the smell of beach to me. And not any beach, but that on Lake Ontario. The feel of a quilt made by my mom covering the bumpy grass. The fabric under my toes. Children running around, yelling to each other over the music that sings into my soul.

Hugging a dear friend and then getting to rub her scalp, where her hair once grew. Knowing how blessed i am to have her in my life. The joy and strength of her love and relationship with God is too much for my cup to hold on to. Thank you.

I need to hold onto these moments so that when i return to my real life i will not empty too quickly. I need to hold these in reserve, gerry cans full of these moments. Holding my heart up with love, instead of it dangling in my chest.

Thank you my dear sweet friends. For moments like these!

There are moms in my life who i admire greatly. And because of that i feel encouraged by my parenting. I like watching and hearing how they deal with difficult situations, i find it reminds me of the type of parent i want to be.

but then there is a difference. Our children. I can do all the things that they do, but still not have their children. I have my own. And sometimes i forget how to parent them.

I know, i know. It is hard to forget. But there are times that i am over tired, or they have been just plain difficult (such as last thursday when Clover stole 4 yogurt drinks for her and Oakley... then later in the afternoon snuck the whole bag of chocolate covered almonds (or amnums as oakley says)).

But in my moments of clarity i am a good mom. And i wish i could always remember how to be a good mom, and not have regrets. I also wish my kids would remember that they are great kids. And in there lies the problem. I often tell them what not to do. And i try to remember to tell them when they are behaving well... but i think i falter there.

My children individually are incredible to take out, or have at home for that matter. But together they feel that they have to vie for my attention. Or they try to one-up the other. This aways leads to disaster. So, for the next few weeks, i am going to remember to treat my kids as if i have them alone. Build up who they are, and why i love them. I'm not going to worry about saying i love you to one, and not the other. They need to see how incredibly special they are to me.

I am feeling both encouraged and discouraged about this school year. Jul seems to be willing to focus and do work. But Clover, who was more eager for school to begin, is fighting me with everything i want to do! I am noticing, however, that if i tell her what i want her to do, then walk away and leave it, she will come to me with the completed work. I dont know how i feel about this. I feel that i can get better work out of her if she would be willing to work with me. But on the other hand, while she is working with me, she does nothing! I think she is hoping for more intense work. And i think the solution will come, eventually.

One of my ideas for Clover is that i get her a supplement work book. any other ideas?

Apron Dress

I made these yesterday.

I followed this pattern for the two bigger ones... but i didnt have enough fabric to make the smaller one that way... so i just used Oakley.

Thank you Bridget for such great patterns!

Last week i was blown away by the thought that God didnt banish us from the garden of Eden out of anger.

Genesis 3:22
And the LORD God said, "The man has now become like one of us,
knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take
also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever."

Why would living forever be a problem? Well, because then He could never redeem us.

WOW

With us being mortal Jesus' blood can cover us, because we can die and be made new.

I am sure that this isnt new to anyone else. But I am still thinking on this, and would love to hear your thoughts.

Once again my post didnt get completed. another night.

A beautiful birthday celebration.



Thank you Aphra!!!

crick

So... with all the difficulties we have had with Jul since we have been here, we have started down a very scary path of 'diagnoses'. We had it suggested that we have an educational assessment done due to the angry and lack of attention with him. And seeing as Dyslexia is a common occurance in my family, i figured i ought to. He has been doing little things that send up flags...

So, the conversation goes something like this, between the psychologist, his assistant and us:

Dr: so tell me about Jul as a baby.

Thomas: always moving, never still.

Dr: was he active in the womb?

Jordin: never stopped moving, was like a mauy thai kick boxer. But he was terrified of loud noises, even then.

Dr: and as a toddler?

Thomas and Jordin: still only when resting.

...the conversation goes on like this for about 5 or so minutes. The Dr then says; 'Usually we only do two test, Intellectual and Educational. The discrepency between them will tell if there is a learning disablilty, but we think,' keep in mind they havent spoken yet, ' that we will do the attention test.'

They look at each other and nod. Stating that it really seems clear that there is an attention problem here. Well... i took him yesterday for the attention test, and i arrived early back to pick him up. The assistant answered the door looking very weary. I think Jul broke her. :)

I have had so much on my mind lately. And many things i have wanted to jot down. But lately i have been feeling like i dont want to share my thoughts with the masses. I want to have conversations. Deep, meaningful, personal conversations.

They are hard to come by up here. I have found that trying to break through barriers with people has been near impossible. Because i havent been here long, I havent found a niche in peoples lives. And most people around here have been here longer than 2 years, so they dont have any space for new people.

I am guarding my vulnerable heart.

Why is it so difficult in these free minutes to bless my family instead of ignoring my duties? I could be tidying, washing floors, doing laundry. But instead i sit. Hoping for a distraction. Or inspiration.

Avalon

So last week after the Homeschooling Conference, I went to Chapters and bought such a great sewing book. I could not wait to get started!!! But it was so beautiful outside.... so what could i do?

Here it is complete! It took 3 days and it is fully lined.Once she went to bed i added a fabric rose and 6 smaller roses. I cant wait to sew more from this book!!!!

It is way too beautiful to be inside today. And i happen to have this incredible Victorian porch.... i do believe that my sewing and i shall enjoy the day today.

So lent is almost over. I have spent lent without Facebook. It might sound trivial, but it has been especially hard. I use Facebook to feel connected to my friends who are far from me, friends who are close that i want to make plans with, and as a diversion.

I really miss being close to certain friends. I love seeing their updates telling me what is going on in their lives. Little blips into what they are experiencing. But what has happened without Facebook, i have no idea what is happening. I miss them terribly.

Then the friends closer to me, making plans with them with Facebook has been fast, simple and it takes no time. I just send a note, wait for them to respond, and done! I have to do so much more in order to make plans; find their phone number, call them, wait for them to either answer or leave a message. then they have to call me back. The kids always seem to know when i am on the phone and make as much noise as possible.

And the diversion it makes helps me calm down in my frustration, it helps me procrastinate, and it is also a reward; 'i will clean the kitchen and have 15 mins of surfing friends status'.

But i have been terribly lonely. I wise person asked me if it was a good thing to give up if i was feeling so lonely. I would have to say yes! It has forced me to move my relationship with God deeper. And isnt that the whole point of lent? I have had something to bring to Him in a way that makes me crave Him to fill a void and makes me want to continue longer with Him.

I rediscovered my deep longing to be romanced by God. At least that is how i felt in the beginning. My prayers became less asking for help to feel less lonely, to much quieter. Less words. More heart. Now towards the end i really want to romance God.

If we are created in His image my desire to be loved deeply, and to be beloved has to be like His. I am created like Him. He too wants to be sought after, pursued and courted. This is not new to me. Just now it is so much deeper.

I have discovered that i have substitute my earthly friendships in place of God. Mainly because they are quick and easy. Some are deep and fulfilling. But none really fill the gap in my heart that God has. And even though i often avoid it, our relationship needs to be as cultivated as any other. I need to take time and pursue, intentionally, my Love and Saviour.

Dear Facebook friends, i will be returning soon!

I am laying on a love-seat, in a suite, in downtown Montreal. Sans kids. I am up early out of habit, but it doesnt matter, i can always have a nap this afternoon!!!

My sweet and wonderful children are with grand parents. My sister booked me this freaking awesome hotel, with a whirlpool tub for two. And i got to see Alice in Wonderland in Imax 3D last night.

I am so at peace right now.... and so at home in the city that even the traffic and noises are like lullabies to me.

Hmmm.... i wonder what they will be serving for breakfast.

What if we all believed that our children were more capable than we think?


It really is US, the adults, who can either inspire, or hinder our children. It is usually me that stops my children from doing something amazing. But, i know my children can do so much more. When i get out of the way.

:) the link is amazing.

yum

This is worth a re-post.

cake in a cup

I first blogged about it in 2008, and now with chocolate chips!!!!

Today I felt moved by the sermon. Motivated to really change. I am scared because it will hurt, I will have difficulties and fail at times, but i want to change. my family is my work and if i do it, as the bible says, 'as if working for the Lord', then i ought to be doing so much more!!! I need to be doing so much more. I can make my home so much more wonderful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_6y1CieJHo

watch this. amazing

Clover: Mommy, do you know what my favourite type of chicken in?

Mommy: Uh, drumsticks?

Clover: NO! Pork!

oh... really.

Clover: mommy... (something incomprehensible)

Me: Clover, what did you say?!

Clover: Mommy, I said that I cant lick my belly!

oh... i see.

Ball

This February I will be attending my very first Mess Dinner. Thomas will be wearing this:


(note: Thomas looks much more handsome)

I must wear "appropriate attire". But what does that mean?

I have decided that i would like to rewear something, or buy something used. If anyone has something they dont mind me trying to wear, i am open to suggestions.

I feel a drive to Kitchener and Value Village coming soon.

back to the grindstone

St. Francis de Sales:

Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself; I mean,
don't
be disturbed about your imperfections, and always have the courage to pick
yourself up after a fall. I'm very glad to hear that you make a fresh start
each
day. There is no better way of growing toward perfection in the
spiritual
life than to always be starting over again and never thinking that
we have done
enough.
But most important, don't lose heart, be patient,
wait, do all you
can to develop a spirit of compassion. I have no
doubt that God is holding
you by the hand; if he allows you to stumble, it
is only to let you know that if
he were not holding your hand, you would
fall. This is how he gets you to
take tighter hold of His
hand.

Thank you Lord, for the time You gave us over Christmas. Help me not to squander even one second on emotions that arent becoming of you. And for me not to linger on regret when i am less than loving. Bring me closer to You and being like You this year.

32

Dear Rachel

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! May today , and this year be the best yet!

Thank you for your friendship and your kindness. Thank you for challenging me gently and

helping me see what is truly important.

I only wish my words wouldnt fail me every time i try to express how wonderful you are and how valuable your friendship is to me.

its so hard to be 3

I sat, numb-bummed, for about 2 hours whilst Oakley slept on the couch. When he woke, i asked him how he was doing. "Not good," he says.

Not good?! how can he not be good he just slept for 2 hours. "Not good?" says I.

Oakley; "It was a hard day."

Final injury for 2009

...and it was me.

So, if you all remember, the first injury was Oakley. He fell and needed stitches (in the form of strips) on his eyelid. Then Thomas broke his toe. Then Clover broke her wrist. Thomas broke his other foot. The the catastrophic break of Jul's arm.

We had a good six months of no injuries, or ER visits. It was so nice. Then while in Kingston, Thomas took the kids skating on a lake. My mom and i joined them after they had started. I dont really remember going skating, or taking my skates off.... or going back to my moms house. But i do remember waking up on the ice (kinda) and i remember throwing up.

I was standing on the ice, doing.. i dont know what. Then i felt like my head had been split open by an ax. I fell while standing. Thomas took me to the Napanee Hospital. I got to have xrays. And then i got to be the butt of many jokes. My skull wasnt cracked, thankfully, but the Dr 'saw nothing'. Get it? Yeah.... it was cute the first few times.

So, i had a 'boxers concussion'. That means i bruised both the front and back of my brain. Not fun. But i survived.

While hooked up to the moniters, my heart rate jumped when Thomas touched me. It was really cool. So i told him to tell me something to see if it would race again. He said "I am ready to adopt again". My heart did nothing. I told him it was because i didnt believe him. But it is true. For those of you who are privy to all the details with our previous experience, we have called the CAS and are starting.

Happy New Year to you all! And please pray for our family as we try to grow.