So lent is almost over. I have spent lent without Facebook. It might sound trivial, but it has been especially hard. I use Facebook to feel connected to my friends who are far from me, friends who are close that i want to make plans with, and as a diversion.
I really miss being close to certain friends. I love seeing their updates telling me what is going on in their lives. Little blips into what they are experiencing. But what has happened without Facebook, i have no idea what is happening. I miss them terribly.
Then the friends closer to me, making plans with them with Facebook has been fast, simple and it takes no time. I just send a note, wait for them to respond, and done! I have to do so much more in order to make plans; find their phone number, call them, wait for them to either answer or leave a message. then they have to call me back. The kids always seem to know when i am on the phone and make as much noise as possible.
And the diversion it makes helps me calm down in my frustration, it helps me procrastinate, and it is also a reward; 'i will clean the kitchen and have 15 mins of surfing friends status'.
But i have been terribly lonely. I wise person asked me if it was a good thing to give up if i was feeling so lonely. I would have to say yes! It has forced me to move my relationship with God deeper. And isnt that the whole point of lent? I have had something to bring to Him in a way that makes me crave Him to fill a void and makes me want to continue longer with Him.
I rediscovered my deep longing to be romanced by God. At least that is how i felt in the beginning. My prayers became less asking for help to feel less lonely, to much quieter. Less words. More heart. Now towards the end i really want to romance God.
If we are created in His image my desire to be loved deeply, and to be beloved has to be like His. I am created like Him. He too wants to be sought after, pursued and courted. This is not new to me. Just now it is so much deeper.
I have discovered that i have substitute my earthly friendships in place of God. Mainly because they are quick and easy. Some are deep and fulfilling. But none really fill the gap in my heart that God has. And even though i often avoid it, our relationship needs to be as cultivated as any other. I need to take time and pursue, intentionally, my Love and Saviour.
Dear Facebook friends, i will be returning soon!