Thursday, March 9, 2006


I am going to the movies tonight. I think I am…. At least, I want to. I’m a little excited about it. I want to go, but I don’t want to be away from Thomas tonight. I feel like my whole world has gone topsy-turvy. After letting the darkness out yesterday I feel better today. But I was still unable to control my frustration when my mom was here. I don’t know what to say to her. I know a big secret that I can’t tell her. A very hurtful secret. And I shouldn’t have to keep it. But I will. And I will be there when the truth comes out. I am feeling a little less sad about the medication. Although I am a little disappointed already in knowing that I am taking a higher dosage than normal. I have often said that your attitude is a choice. You can choose to either be miserable or happy. The past few days I have allowed myself to be miserable. But I feel happy today… at least happier. Still a little lonely, but happy. I want Thomas to look at me and I want to see happiness in his eyes. Joy… but the both of us are stressed. I think his stress is because of me, and because he doesn’t know what to do to help me. :) I feel good!

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