My hand hurts. I dont have very good veins... which makes blood work uncomfortable at times. I've had my veins roll, collapse and completely disappear. Sometimes when the nurse cant find a 'good' vein, they use a butterfly needle on my hand... and sometimes an infant butterfly.

When i had my wisdom teeth out, i had 2 different nurses try to get the IV in. The first on poked twice, Got one on my forearm, which hurt like a bugger. When i asked if it was supposed to burn the jumped up and pulled it out immediately. No, she says, it shouldnt. I felt so bad for her. She then went and got another nurse to try.

One time the blood work went so bad that my vein went black. In the soft part of the inside of my elbow was dark blues and purples, and the vein that was tapped was just black. It was very impressive.

On occasion i have tried to give blood to the blood bank, and it takes about half an hour to give a pint. Then i have a history of passing out. I am use to it. I usually warn the nurses before hand. They appreciate it. I find coke to be the best to drink after giving blood, that and oranges. But i prefer the cookies.

I scar from 'lines'. I have two very distinct marks on my left hand and forearm from when my boys were born. And where they draw blood on the inside of my arm looks like the track marks of an addict.

But right now, my hand hurts. Bruised and slightly swollen, marked from a painful encounter with a 'butterfly'. I will be getting to do it all again on Thursday.

calm/anxious
content/frustrated
secure/scared
overwhelmed/unimpressed

teetering precariously on the edge of contradicting emotions
swimming an endless ocean of experiences
obstructed by unseen handicaps
borders being drawn farther than imagined

ithirstformorethanthis

gaps

Week 3 of Thomas being gone is almost over. It seems to have gone relatively fast. There have been dentist appointments, pulled teeth, canned tomatoes, open houses, lowered prices, cleaning and more cleaning. This weekend as something special to it: Thomas has an extra day off. But that doesnt mean an extra day of rest. We have an open house this saturday, feast at church sunday, then maybe one at my dads, and another feast on monday.

We finally have permission to sell the house... but they arent going to pay for it. Which throws another wrench into the works...

I so wish i could be involved more, but as my time here has an unknown end, it seems impossible.

I am watching as God fills in the spaces that i have been in, whether with friends or at church or... whatever. And i wonder if He will do the same for me. When i get to my new place, will He have them all set up for me? Will new people fill in the big empty spaces where those here have been, at least a little? Or will it be like last night?

I'm not saying any of this in a pity tone, but in a very seriously curious way.

It feels like an eternity! Yet it has been only 2 weeks. Trying to keep out house clean during all this has been an event in itself. We had an offer already. But it wasnt a good one. I dont think we are being unrealistic with what we are asking for our house, especially with the cost of other houses in kingston.

Thomas leaves for Meaford this weekend. It is so sad! He is leaving and we cant go! I believe that things are going to work out the way God has planned. I guess that all of this is perfect. Even if i dont see it yet, i know i will in retrospect.

it hits

SO.... i think whirlwind is an understatement!!! We have gotten more accomplished these few days, than in five years!!! The house is now on the market. Right now!!! (It should be up on mls very shortly!) So, listed on Wednesday, a showing Thursday. Does it seem overly hopeful that the people liked it enough after one showing....

I need to still make the back yard wonderful, so suggests are welcome.

So... what does everyone think; how long until it sells?

(note: we are now on mls.ca, follow the link.)

Here it is

Thomas is now a Captain. And by November, we will be living in Meaford.

retrospective

Softball and i have a very tumultuous relationship. Most of the time, we go well together. Other times, not so much. As was displayed Friday night. But in many ways, it might have been so appropriate to end the season the way it started; with a broken nose. But i will not yield!! I played no matter what. And had so much fun!!!! (i dont believe it to be broken... but i was reminded by one of my teammates that i am not always good at knowing when to say when.)

I think i am very unusual in that pain makes me focus clearly. My eyes were tearing, and my face stinging... but i didnt want the moment to be rushed, the pain was a fascinating sensation. I'm not saying that i want to do it again, but i dont mind pain. Pain is telling us something, and most people fight pain instead of going with it. And i find that after being in a little bit of pain, i seem to not be as distracted.

We had so much fun at the games. Especially the 2nd game, which we won and i got the last out out!!! I am sad that it is over. I wonder if i will be able to play next year.

We also had Thomas' cousin and partner (hurry up and get married, i really want to come to the wedding!!!!) visit Saturday. I love spending time with them. They are too much fun!!! But after they left i decided that i would put the younger kids to bed and not go to church. I thought i would be best for them because there was no way they could keep it together. But i am sad that i missed it!! Apparently we did some exercises writing people little cards. There are so many things i would love to say, but never have the opportunity. It sounds like it was a lot of fun!!!

I cant wait to see what this week brings!!