Sunday, February 25, 2007


I know i have had all year to think of something to give up for lent. But i have been having a hard time trying to make it something more meaningful than a delight. I want this sacrifice to be something that will help me grow in Christ and strengthen me as His.

I have not really finalized on anything. But my big thing right now is to not yell at my children in anger. It is very easy for me to raise my voice when the dont listen to me. I do it to get their attention, and it works. But at what expense? I see the hurt in their eyes and i dont want to be the cause of it. I know that there are better ways, but i havent found any to be effective. I use to get really quiet to get their attention. But in frustration or fear, the loudness comes out of me. I have already failed a few times at this. But not yelling is a true struggle for me. And i believe that i want this lent to help me grow.

Today Carolyn Butler spoke on Ephesians 3:

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

She said (and this is my interpretation) that God has many gifts for us, but we have to be the ones who look for it. That He has greater gifts to give than the ones we ask for... I want His riches to be abundant in my life... she also said about his riches being found in the Bible... that through His word i would be strengthened .... I want this. And part of what He has given me as a gift, that i asked for, were children. Why then would I not ask for the strength to care for them and love them the way He loves me?

"Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools."

I am a fool. I get angry quickly with my children. I feel frustrated at them for not listening to me... It drives me nuts when they ignore me and disobey me. And instead of being patient like God is with me, i get angry. I dont want to crush their spirits. They have such sweet and loving ones... but i want to do what is right. I want to raise them to know God, to know right from wrong, to have integrity. And i think my first step is to not yell, which causes me to be more patient. If i cant yell, i have to take more time to be loving towards them in my correction.

It has not been easy. And i dont want it to be. I dont think Lent should be easy for me. Sacrificing food is easy. But my soul doesnt feel rededicated. This, giving up something that feeds my soul in a negative way is very hard. And i need to really rely on God for the strength to do it.

.... However, at the end of Lent, i hope not to take it back up again. I want to be changed.

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