Saturday, April 9, 2011

Everyday I wake up with the hope that today will be different. That today I will be the person I am trying to be. This person lives differently. Yet everyday I fall into the same old habits I am trying to break. But 'if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten'.

So the think that I want to change are easy enough to do, if I just take little steps. I find we watch too much TV, and I rely on it too often. I find that the TV and computer games cause us to be separated. Even if we are all in the same room we are focused on individual entertainment and personal comfort. The computer games are worse for that because only one person can be on it at a time. And generally the person on the computer wants to be left in peace, alone.

Each morning I think about what I can do different. Yet everyday I do the same thing as teh day before. I remind myself: Baby steps. My first step is to want to change, because that isn't the same thing as making change itself. Changing itself is very difficult to do. So I make suggestions. And my suggestions are met with complaints, whining and opposition. So, first I must not respond the same as I would. Patience. And a silent prayer. But, is a new habit formed by just not doing something? I think it may be more than that. Instead, maybe it is about little things. Little baby steps to the positive. Instead of saying to myself that I am not going to do something, why not things I can do. Just 3 thinks each day, everyday, for... well, as long as it takes for it to feel different. For me not to think about it anymore, for it to become a new habit.

What 3 thinks will I change? First, turn of the computers. My hope with this action is that connections will start again. I have started to see it happening. The kids are honestly playing together. And playing well! It will give us time to explore other interests and give me the opportunities to pass on my passions to my children. And time with God will no longer be avoidable. Second, I want to get outside more. Not just in our yard, or the park, but most days that is what it will be. But I mean OUT into nature. Going for hikes. Exploring what God created and discovering their names, and eventually their uses. Third, I have a blog. And i have so many things bouncing around in my head that I want to get out onto paper (and onto the computer once I have a finished product). So many wonderful opportunities will arise from changing these 3 things.

Everyday, just 3 things. Now everyday is a new, positive challenge. Not to not do things, but to accomplish and do something more. I want MORE for my life. Not to feel like I have failed again, but to feel I can. There is so much I am missing, but one day at a time.

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