Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Dont Speak

Seven years ago Thomas and i started on the road to parenthood. We went to a clinic and got pregnant really fast. I was thinking back on that time that i had, just pregnant, not working... All day long Thomas and i would send emails to each other... "I love you" perpetually repeating itself; "I miss you"; and some more intimate things. I thought about this for a while. How i miss getting those little notes of passion and devotion from each other.

When did it stop? At some point when i was barely functioning as a new-ish mother. Thats probably why they stopped too.

So i sent one off today... i still have all those feelings for my husband, and so much more! In the past 5 or so months i have learned so much about myself. About the level of love and devotion that i have for Thomas. And how i have changed in the many years we have been together. When Thomas first joined the army i was left scared and very lonely. It was hard for me to be alone. But i didnt know how to allow God into my life in the way that Thomas was. They were so seperate in my life in some ways it was like oil and water. One day while writing out what i was praying they mixed. And it scared me so much that i didnt know how to make them seperate again fast enough. This time, while Thomas was gone, it all of a sudden clicked. I didnt feel the same kind of loneliness i had the first time. In fact, in some ways i valued that alone time. Time with God in a very silent way. That wonderful unspeakable love.

I cant wait for Thomas and i to be alone tonight. And i cant wait to share that silence with him.

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