Monday, March 26, 2007

ballet body

when i was in my early teens i wanted to dance for fun. i enjoyed ballet as a little child and wanted to do it again. so i called around for classes for myself. my parents neither encouraged or discouraged me. i found one place that i could take it... but they required a black leotard and pink tights.


i was so insecure at that age and i thought i was so fat that there was no way i was ever going to be seen in around people wearing that. ....but i was also a swimmer at that age. and although i thought i was fat, i would wear a swim suit. but to me the difference was that i would be in the water where people couldnt see my body and if i wasnt, i was wrapped in a towel.

I look at my children and encourage them in every way i can to suggest that they are good they way they are. My parents had an opportunity to help build my self esteem up... not just on this occasion, but on many others... and didnt. My father especially. And really, the only time i feel actually good about my body is mid- to end of my pregnancies and right after i have had my babies. This is something that i dont want for my children. I dont want them to look in the mirror to see how beautiful they are. I want them just to know it.

I just need to figure out how to do that.


No comments: