selfish

I pray and wait... then pray again and wait longer. And it seems to be a vicious cycle. Yet, when a prayer is answered, i seem to forget the most important part. The prayer is answered and i dont praise God for the response. Instead, i complain that it isnt answered the way i wanted, or worse, i dont acknowledge it at all and move on to the next request.

Right now i want to stop and count my blessings:

• my husband
• my mom
• Jul
• Clover
• Clover staying with us
• Oakley
• my sister
• my father
• my dear friends
• my children's friends
• my home
• my church
• my community

For about a year now i have been annoyed with God that someone special to me was in a bad relationship. I prayed and was so desperately annoyed with this person that they couldnt see how bad it was. Then i found out that it was worse and that my friend hadnt been telling me the whole truth about it. My friend left the relationship and i told this to another friend and he said, "so that is how God is answering your prayer". I didnt give credit where it was due. Instead i moved on to the next part. I said that now we need to pray that everything gets worked out.

Last night we got together with an old friend of Thomas's and his wife. i love this guy! He is wonderful and since we last saw him he found a lovely lady, became christian and married her!!! (insert praise here!) As we talked about our family, we said about our adoption... and our third miracle baby. Thomas's friend asked if we already had a miracle baby, doesnt that mean that the following baby isnt a miracle? For the record: all children are miracles!!! And i dont forget that about my own!!! Having more than one 'miracle baby' doesnt take away from it being a miracle! The opposite is true: they are even more miraculous! That God would bless me indeed!! That God would honour my prayers with more children is so humbling... especially since i dont always give him the recognition that He deserves.

Today i am going to stop and just thank God that he loves me and that He does answer prayer. I am not going to move on to the next request or the next part of the prayer. I am going to remember that he does answer prayers.

Thank you, LORD, even when i havent noticed, You have been there. And i greatly praise You!!!

Ending

Thomas goes back to work on Monday. I cant believe that eight and a half months have gone by already. We have had so much fun together! I love spending time with Thomas and hate to see him return to work.

I'm curious how smooth his return will be... how destroyed the house will be while he is gone. And we hope that Thomas will be on course this feb., which means he needs to use the rest of his leave before it starts.

I cherish this time we had together. I'm sure that it will be a time that i look back on with much fondness as i get on in years. This time will always bring me joy.

EDITED ON JAN 21: Today Thomas got his posting message; he is loaded on the course starting Feb. 20th!!!!

Before Christmas, my mom took the kids and i to see 'The Best Christmas Pageant Ever'. I have always wanted to see it. It was wonderful. I cried in the beginning in anticipation! At the end, however, there was a few people sitting beside us and they stood waiting for us to move for them to walk down the aisle, despite the fact that they could use the other side (they sat in the centre, so either way would have worked for them). I was so frustrated!!! I was trying to dress three children into their winter gear and they just stood there, impatiently waiting. So, i was going to make them wait. I figured that if they cant walk around i wasnt going to make my life more difficult. Then my mom pipes up; "oh, sorry", and starts moving! Once they left i said that i wasnt going to move for them. She smiled and said that she knew i wasnt.

Hmmp...not very gracious of me. this is where i am going to focus on now. With much help from God.