30

This weekend was my 30th birthday. And today i was thinking about how different my life is that i expected 5, 10 and 15 years ago.

15 years ago i was half the age i am now. 15 was not a good year for me. Although from it i learned so much, i would not want to relive it... and if i had the opportunity to do it over knowing what i know now, i would do so much differently. Starting with the best part of my year, meeting Thomas.

10 years ago i was newly married and so eager and full of energy. And within a year we were living with house mates that almost ruined our friendship as 'man and wife'. But we grew up together.

5 years ago i had one child. And Thomas joined the army. He left on Jul's second birthday. I cried as i dropped him off outside Montreal at a huge building called the Mega. I sobbed in the car, and as i calmed enough to drive home, on the radio i heard 'The Scientist' for the first time. I did not marry Thomas in the hopes of being an army wife... in fact i opposed it vehemently!!! I did NOT want to be an army wife.

And now, i am a proud wife to my officer husband, learning and educating mother to 3 beautiful children. My sister and mother both entered 30 with denial. I dont mind being 30. It's a number that only tells how long i have been alive, but not what i have lived.

scary

Ok... so, on Sunday night at Livingroom i was telling how i have been making wool soaker pants and i was asked to post how i make them. Well, as i am sewing and cutting and so on, the kids are playing and talking... and well... i thought the cord was UNDER the cutting mat...

And so what we have learned today:

Be aware!

Be careful!

Sparks are scary!

And finally, cutting a cord is very smelly!!!

So.... pictures and guide for the pants will be coming soon!!! As soon as i can get a new power cord for the machine.

the calm

First, sorry Al. Jul was just too enthusiastic to contain!

Today has been much improved from the previous week of turmoil! Jul's attitude has been up and down, but mainly up. And today, after doing our 'school' work and while finishing lunch Jul wrote a song... i wrote down the lyrics as he sang, and he wants to sing it this sunday....
Here it is!!!

Listen to your Heart

by Jul Peters

Listen to your heart

because your heart beats

if you dont listen

you dont know when God speaks.

Praise the Lord

Praise the Lord

If you look into outer space

you can see G0d's eye

and he looks into your heart

If you dont listen to Him

you will go to the desert

If you listen to him

He will let you live with your family

And when you die

you will be with Him and play with Him

because He is building a house for you

Praise the Lord!

Despite everything i do wrong with my kids, God fills in the gaps and repairs the damage.

A wise woman once told me that having kids will mean that my heart will forever be beating on the outside of my body. And i'm glad that God is in my heart, where ever my heart is.

anger

Twice this week Jul has broken his glasses. And not by accident. But violently and purposely. After the first time, he learned not to break them, he had Clover jump on them. That way *he* didnt break them, he just told Clover to break them. So, in my distress, i removed ALL of their toys. ALL! Thomas and i are going to go through them all and sort through and get rid of most of them. The rest are going to be earned back. (until tuesday, when they can have them all back.)

I am very grateful for my church. I was able to talk to another mom who works with troubled kids.... and it was so useful to be reminded of things that i seem to forget during the moment. Such as, when kids are angry they want to show how angry they are. And although i knew this, i couldnt see it. She also gave me some useful skills in dealing with Jul.

I think i can!

I feel so much better about teaching my children myself now that i have had Jul in school. before i felt like i was constantly failing because other kids were doing things that Jul wasnt. I couldnt always see the things that Jul was doing that they werent. Mainly because one only talks about what a child is doing, as opposed to what they arent doing. So having Jul in school reminded me that all children develop differently, and that each childs interests help with that development.

So....

Today started out rough. Jul was in a bad mood and it took a long time to work him back to himself. And by around 11 i was feeling a little disappointed that it seemed like another "school day" wasted.

BIG MISTAKE!!!

We read about Egypt and mummies. Did a huge amount of math problems. And at 3 (when i told Jul "school" is over) i asked if he wanted to watch some tv.

"No thank you, mommy, i'm reading to Clover."

And he was. I love the computer. He was reading stories from Starfall to her. The place is relatively tidy, i have done 2 loads of laundry.... today is a success.

this isnt really a post...

only, i just pulled one of my hairs out of Oakley's nose... Gross.

Joy is back

Last week Jul went away to camp. All week. He had a fabulous time!!! I was concerned that he wouldnt be able to sleep away the whole week. But he did. And everyone i talked to at the camp apparently really enjoyed Jul. They went bowling, made sleds out of cardboard, skated, made an igloo and had a talent show. ( Jul brake danced and sang Old MacDonald's Farm.) Having him home has been wonderful. I missed him.

This past weekend the stress in the house came to blows. Thomas and i had it out. And after, we went out for supper. (thanks to my mom who watched the kids.)

And thank you, everyone who has listened to me last week... This week is already looking so much better than last week... despite the broken window in the front door.