Different Perspectives

Yesterday I went to my father’s cottage and the kids went swimming. Jul just for a minute, but Clover is such a water baby, that she stayed in for almost 20 minutes. I can’t get over how much she is like me! It was really nice to hang out with just my dad for 3 hours. It showed me why my mom, at one time, fell in love with him. It’s nice to see that. For so many years I never understood how or why they would have been together. But my mother is a kind, sweet person, who I suspect at the time, was very needy. And I can see my father being very devoted and attentive, especially to her young daughter. However, for so many years I have only seen their negatives, and could never picture them together. I don’t wish that God came into their lives then…I don’t think I could truly explain why. But I am glad that God did. And although my life wasn’t easy, and their faults were very difficult on me, I know that they love me very much. Even if they don’t even like each other. And I am grateful for God changing my life.

"The Body of Christ"

This past week at church the body was the metaphor for what the Church is. What does that mean? Well… that’s a great question. What does it mean? Does it mean that we can’t survive without each part? I don’t know, ask any amputee. They do seem to survive, even if they require a prosthetic. Does it mean we all share in a part of something bigger? And if that is the case, how do we all work together? Or is it just something that we can all relate to as we all have bodies? It’s a pretty tangible explanation. (No pun intended.) If it is that we all have a part in the church, how do we coordinate with each other? And to whom do we go for assistance when parts aren’t working the way you would expect them?

So many people since Thomas left (and before he left) said to me that if I need help or anything at all to call them, and they will be there for me. I truly appreciate this from all who offer. I do need help. But I don’t know how anyone can help us or our situation. And I am not even sure what I need help with. I’m exhausted. Does that mean I need to sleep more? No, it means I am almost 8 months pregnant. Jul is having difficulties going to bed at night. How can anyone help me with that? I don’t know how to help him myself. I know he misses Daddy, but I can’t bring him home.

I keep wondering; if I had this or that would I feel overwhelmed with chores? Probably, no “appliance” or assistant is going to help the fact that I am tired and my kids won’t go to bed until I am almost ready to sleep myself. Everyone wants to help out… be the body of Christ for me. And I love them all for it. But I don’t know where to start. I find it easy to ask for things that are obvious. As I am sure most would. Where do I turn or what help do I ask for when my kids are crying and I need comforting too? And how do I keep comforting them on an issue that I have little comfort in myself?

If we, the church, are the body, and the knees are scraped, what do we do to bandage them? If the brain of the church stops coordinating things in the body, what kind of neurologist helps with it? How does a church stop the hurt of so many? And how do we assess the order of neediness?

Ok, so I need help. But I don’t know what to ask for.

Midwives

Today I had an appointment with the midwives. My mom had offered to come and watch the kids for me. And i am so glad that i didn’t take her up on it!

There are student midwives learning right now in the community and there was a "lesson" happening as we were leaving. Anita was teaching Jane how to rupture a "membrane" (balloon) on a dumby that actually had a doll inside of it. Jul got right into the middle of it, and they not only let him, but encouraged him!! And after the balloon was popped he got to play with the hook, looking at what happened. If that wasn’t enough, Jul then asked to help birth the baby! Anita taught him how to help the baby out by holding the vagina and perineum and then how to gently lift the baby up as it exits. It was amazing to watch him in the mix of all these women-midwives and see his fascination.

And it is times like that that i am so excited about educating him at home!

Time going on

Well, its been two weeks since Thomas left. And this time has been an easier transition than any other before. Although, we still dont have a full routine, we are finding out way much easier than any other time before. Ususally it takes 4 weeks to get to where we are right now. And we have been this functional for almost a week now. I hope that we are able to move even faster into a better routine. Maybe a cleaner one. But that still isnt my strong point.

Jul and i have decided that once a week we are going to go to a new restaurant and try something different. Today we had Biryani. Its chicken, basmati rice, coconut and some seasoning that makes it a nice golden yellow colour. It was so good, (and there are left overs) that we are having it again for supper! I cant wait to figure out something else next week! Maybe we should do research on what to eat (or what country) and then have even more fun trying something out that we know a little about.

Jade is coming over monday to help me sort things out a bit, trying to get things in order... Then i will go to her house and help her. I think it is easier to help someone else in their house, than to do your own. I never know where to start in my house, but i have no difficulties in someone elses house.

Things I miss and the things i cherish

I have SO missed being around my friends lately... I miss sitting and chatting with them, sharing thoughts ideas, joys and frustrations with them. I miss the quiet comfort of having them near me and real conversations that you can only have with girl friends. I enjoy the things they say, how they challenge and encourage me. Excitement is barely the word when it comes to getting together with them, either one on one or in a big group.

Yet, i'm not ready to give up my time with Thomas. I dont want to share my time with the other people that i love so much. This time we have together is so precious! And being able to do things as a family is fantastic! We have never had time like this before. And i am being so selfish with it. So my dear friends... but i am not ready to give this up yet! But soon i will be back.

Affirmation

So often as a housewife i feel so incredibly inadequate!! If Thomas is alone with the kids, i come home to an emmaculate house, a gourmet meal, and a craft from the kids. All of which i love, but i feel like we choose poorly with me staying at home and Thomas working.

However, we were having an ultrasound, and Thomas (who was resting) decided he would stay and rest instead of getting up and coming with Jul and I. I was gone no longer than an hour and walk through the door, to yet another perfect house, a smiling child and... WAIT! what is this?! "I am going to kill her!"

So, while i was gone for the ultrasound, Clover woke up, minutes after i left, had loose poops, taken off her diaper and smeared it all over anything she could touch in her bedroom. (bed, walls curtain, window...) She then came and woke up Thomas who put her in the bath tub to clean her, then went to the bedroom to clean up her mess. Only to complete that, and have to do the bathroom.

Clover pulled the plug, and sprayed shampoo and body wash all over the bathroom. So, now, neither her or the bathroom was clean. And Thomas had to do both, clean her and the bathroom... but instead of keeping her with him, he took her down stairs after he cleaned her and went back upstairs and cleaned the bathroom... then came downstairs to garbage everywhere!

To make things even better, as he came down, a friend of his showed up and got to walk through all the garbage with him.

I got told, that he is not cut out to be a homemaker. That what i do i so much harder than anything he can "handle".

It was nice to hear, but it made me laugh hystarically because he was the one who wanted the ultrasound in the first place!!!

Little Children

I wish more and more that i had the faith of Jul. I am trying to plant a seed in him, but it is him who teaches me about God daily! Over the past month i have been amazed by his faith and understanding of God's love. And his complete unashamed love he has for God.
A month ago at a YMCA day camp, he stood up and started singing. Not just any song, but "Jesus loves me". Completely unprompted. And while i was being told this, i was so proud of him... and yet so scared of what others would say. And then yesterday at the midwives, he started singing "Jesus loves the little children" for the midwife. I feel so convicted because i almost felt that he should choose a different song... but then i would be pulling him away from Jesus.

At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children."
Matthew 11:25

There are basic fundamentals that have been quashed from my faith. And one of them is that i dont have to hide my faith from anyone... if someone doesnt like me because of my faith, that isnt my fault. And it isnt about me, but about God. I cant handle that kind of rejection, but (unfortunately) God can. And does endure it daily from many people. I dont want to be one of them. I want to teach my children about God, i want to write His commands above the door, I want to bring up my children to God, so that they never leave Him.
I think it is two ways though... as i teach Jul (and Clover) about His Word, they teach me about His heart!

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 18:3

I am raising children to grow up and be men and women of God, and they are teaching me how to be a child of God.