Eyes are the Window....

2012-01-25T04:48:00.002-05:00

I made chicken stock. The first container was knocked out of the fridge and spilled everywhere. I went to pull out one of the two that i had frozen. But i filled them too full and both bottles cracked.

Yarn Along

2012-01-18T10:24:00.003-05:00

I have been working on little vests/undershirts for the new baby. So i thought i would share it with a Yarn Along.

The wool is LOVELY!!! It's a mix of alpaca and silk... I know it is a little much for a baby, but after coming out of the warmth of my body, being so close to the Creator, i think this might be lovely to be snuggled in.

I have enough for probably 4 of these... if i could find my lost ball.

2012-01-08T14:45:00.002-05:00

Today i had the honour of being a helper in Clo's class. Her teacher asked everyone what their favourite gift they were ever given was. Clo was the first to put her hand up. Her response:

'My parents.'

2012-01-02T17:52:00.003-05:00

This is a beautiful post about unconditional love.

But there have been many negative responses to the possibility of this boy being gay. For me, the thing that concerns me is: Why is a six year old watching Glee?!

2011-12-23T22:02:00.002-05:00

In our home if you need a bed made you ask the (now) 5 year old. He can make a bed better than any recruit Thomas has seen. Yesterday Clover was trying her best to make her bed and getting increasingly frustrated. She asked Oakley to help her. Clover told him all the things she had done to make the bed, the way he had taught her. She kept complaining about how she couldnt do it. In response, Oakley held his had up to her and said: "Patience young Padawan."

2011-08-03T23:02:00.002-04:00

I dont know why i do it to myself... but every time Thomas is away i stay up so late, even though i am completely exhausted! I try to go to bed at a reasonable time, but i fail. After a few days i get back into routine of going to bed and sleeping. But it takes so long!!!

I hate when he is gone.

CLR

2011-07-31T10:03:00.002-04:00

My friend Isabelle reviewed So Good on her blog and is having a contest, check it out:

http://canadianladybugreviews.blogspot.com/2011/07/so-good-beverages.html

2011-06-18T09:20:00.003-04:00

Well... in one month we move into the cottage. Wow... we need to make a list of everything we are going to need.

So far on the list i have:

Uno
clothes drying rack
wash board
swim suits
toaster oven
nature books
crayons
tea
little broom
sewing/serger machine... and fabric with patterns
yarn and needles
sand toys
....

What else? help me!!!

2011-06-15T20:12:00.000-04:00

'the days are long, but the years are short'

2011-05-28T08:40:00.002-04:00

I am starting to feel scared about moving back to kingston. I am so longing to be there, but becoming so scared that I'm not really looking forward to it anymore. My time here has changed me. And my friends back home. Our families have all gotten older, they have changed.... are our kids going to get along anymore? Have we been forgotten there, like we have been here? how long will it take for us to adjust to being in kingston? It took us over a year of being here to adjust to missing our friends in kingston.

I'm concerned.

2011-05-15T19:29:00.001-04:00

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/05/14/education.gradeless/index.html?hpt=C1

Maybe the reason there is less of a discipline problem is because they are relating to the children in a better way, and the kids are no longer frustrated. The kids are directing their learning instead of being prepared for a 'standardized' test. Nothing is standard when it comes to kids!!! If kids were standard then we would never have problems with children EVER! There would be no need for said tests and everyone would be the same! However, the drop in the literacy on the standardize test may be due to the fact that they are actually LEARNING and interested instead of regurgitating what was taught.... thus, they may be reading in other schools, but without the love of the act of reading.

Jul is starting to love reading. If he were in school, being forced to read he would HATE it. But he would have to do it so he could pass some stupid test! These tests are, in my opinion, taking time away from learning, and wasting time comparing.

a friend's giveaway

2011-05-03T21:10:00.002-04:00

Hey Friends

My friend Isabelle is hosting a giveaway for some really cool stuff. you can check it all out. I love the cookbook she is reviewing.

Take a look:

http://canadianladybugreviews.blogspot.com/2011/05/kitchen-garden-cookbook.html

Vulture Bees

2011-04-10T22:22:00.002-04:00

At the homeschool conference i went to a session teaching how to reach reluctant writers. Her example was about Vulture Bees. Here is Jul's report:

Vulture Bees

Scientists discovered a different type of bee. This type of bee does not eat pollen like other bees. Instead it eat’s dead flesh from other forest animals. It’s spit has cool chemicals that changes the flesh in to mushy meat. It’s cool. Don’t die in the forest.

2011-04-09T02:00:00.001-04:00

Everyday I wake up with the hope that today will be different. That today I will be the person I am trying to be. This person lives differently. Yet everyday I fall into the same old habits I am trying to break. But 'if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten'.

So the think that I want to change are easy enough to do, if I just take little steps. I find we watch too much TV, and I rely on it too often. I find that the TV and computer games cause us to be separated. Even if we are all in the same room we are focused on individual entertainment and personal comfort. The computer games are worse for that because only one person can be on it at a time. And generally the person on the computer wants to be left in peace, alone.

Each morning I think about what I can do different. Yet everyday I do the same thing as teh day before. I remind myself: Baby steps. My first step is to want to change, because that isn't the same thing as making change itself. Changing itself is very difficult to do. So I make suggestions. And my suggestions are met with complaints, whining and opposition. So, first I must not respond the same as I would. Patience. And a silent prayer. But, is a new habit formed by just not doing something? I think it may be more than that. Instead, maybe it is about little things. Little baby steps to the positive. Instead of saying to myself that I am not going to do something, why not things I can do. Just 3 thinks each day, everyday, for... well, as long as it takes for it to feel different. For me not to think about it anymore, for it to become a new habit.

What 3 thinks will I change? First, turn of the computers. My hope with this action is that connections will start again. I have started to see it happening. The kids are honestly playing together. And playing well! It will give us time to explore other interests and give me the opportunities to pass on my passions to my children. And time with God will no longer be avoidable. Second, I want to get outside more. Not just in our yard, or the park, but most days that is what it will be. But I mean OUT into nature. Going for hikes. Exploring what God created and discovering their names, and eventually their uses. Third, I have a blog. And i have so many things bouncing around in my head that I want to get out onto paper (and onto the computer once I have a finished product). So many wonderful opportunities will arise from changing these 3 things.

Everyday, just 3 things. Now everyday is a new, positive challenge. Not to not do things, but to accomplish and do something more. I want MORE for my life. Not to feel like I have failed again, but to feel I can. There is so much I am missing, but one day at a time.

rainbows

2011-04-06T06:49:00.006-04:00

We have been trying different experiments lately. These were just two of them.

Jul is having difficulties with fractions and Rachel told me about what she did with her daughter.

We measured how much a whole bottle was, then

broke it down.

Lovely in the sun light!

We also found a recipe for making your own paints.

Although the colour looks nice and saturated, it is very much a water colour, and i didnt have enough to make it intense.

But dont they look so pretty!!!

Both rainbows are lined up on desks in front of windows. and it brings so much joy to my heart!

2011-03-28T07:54:00.000-04:00

Sapping

2011-03-28T06:17:00.004-04:00

We decided to tap 'Bruiser' this year. Seeing as he is a maple tree.

We were able to get something like 9 or 10L of sap, and possible more of it running this week.

Which is good... because it boils down....

A lot!

2011-03-23T20:39:00.001-04:00

I sat in a large hot tub, surrounded by strangers, and giggled to myself.

Because i was wearing my panties

Best Chocolate Buttercream EVER!!!

2011-03-05T16:36:00.002-05:00

3 1/2 oz chocolate, melted

3/4 cup butter, whipped

1 tbsp milk

1/4 tsp vanilla

3/4 - 1 cup icing sugar

Whip butter as you melt chocolate. Whip together melted chocolate and butter. Add milk and vanilla, mix. Add sugar until combined.

Double, triple, whatever. Just enjoy!

delicious!!

2011-03-03T20:15:00.002-05:00

I went through all the baby clothing and sorted it. It hurt to sort through it and pass it along. I know that there is someone out there who can really use it and is in need of it. But i have held onto it in hopes that i would put another baby into them. My heart breaks.

I thought i was done crying, but i broke down pretty bad at the Crisis Pregnancy Centre where i donated it. Thankfully, there was a woman from church who knew me and she just hugged me. I am happy to share the love and let others have the clothing. It is more that i dont want to be done having babies. I dont care how they come into my arms, as long as they do.

This, getting rid of the excess, was me letting go of my fertility, saying i want more of God. I just need to love Him more. And give this over to Him.

Education

2011-03-02T11:12:00.001-05:00

It's moments like these that warm my heart.

Watching my oldest teach my youngest.

Yarn Along

2011-03-02T11:02:00.005-05:00

I do love these yarn alongs. Thank you Ginny for arranging them!

This is a lovely project that I am working on. When I realized it wouldnt be done for Christmas, I put it aside, and will finish it for next Christmas.

I am freezing right now. Our new furnace isnt working

I am going to go snuggle with my kids and and keep knitting.

2011-02-23T08:00:00.003-05:00

I have become an insomniac. I have had moments of insomnia, usually due to a baby. When that happens, the sleepless nights feel purposeful. But right now they are just making my life miserable.

I have been dreaming of painting and taping. Not exactly restful. In fact, my dreams are making my reality that much more frustrating. If i have to painting walls all night in my dreams, i dont want to do the same walls during the day.

I just want this house to be ready and sell quickly.

I wonder if there are any tutorials on how to sell a homeschooling house.

Sanding And Painting And Selling! Oh My!

2011-02-16T08:33:00.002-05:00

Although it isn't official until April, the people who control where we go have decided on Kingston. I feel pretty convinced of God's hand in this because Thomas' career manager said that he was unsure who Thomas knew, because this move was set before he moved into this position.

I am THRILLED!!!

There is much to do here. Paint touch-ups. A new floor for the bathroom, and a new finish for the floor in the kitchen and sun room. Oh man! There is a tonne of things to do before April.

And then there is a new house to find. ACK! I know that God will be as present in this move as He was in the last. He is the one who gave us such a great house in Owen Sound. I know He will give an equally perfect house for our family in Kingston.

2011-02-10T09:05:00.002-05:00

Clover: Mommy, if Oakley's name starts with 'O', shouldnt it be Ockley?

Mommy: Very clever!!! But "when two vowels go a' walkin', the first one does the talkin'."

Clover: ah, O A K L E Y! Oakley! [laughter]

she gets it!!!

Does it have to be Friday?

2011-02-04T07:03:00.003-05:00

I am very excited about today. We will be able to do our usual schedule today, for the first time in what seem forever!!! I find that if i dont have some plan for the day it rushes by me and we accomplish so little! I had planned yesterday to sew with Clover, it didnt happen. I planned on putting laundry away, it didnt happen.

But, we did have a lovely dinner and dessert. I got to talk to each child and just enjoy the day.

And it cant be all bad; my kitchen and dining rooms are clean and ready to go for today. The kids are prepared, and one excited, about today. I wish my whole week could be like this, starting with a monday. I cant even imagine all that i could get done if my week started this well!!!

On another note, i am looking into new curriculums for my children. I hate the idea of settling on just one for all the kids, and i hate the idea of spending so much money! I think i am insecure about the lack of time and effort put into school with the kids. I guess what i really want is books for each subject so i can see them being filled. I still stand behind the Moore Formula.

I need to find my camera and knitting.

2011-02-03T06:30:00.002-05:00

For just over a week now i have been getting up before 6am. I usually read my Bible then work out. I stare at my blog because there are things i want to express, but my words are very jumbled. They will be done though... sometime.

I have found this time to be really wonderful for my attitude and my motivation. We can eat breakfast earlier for one, starting the day earlier. (the kids still arent allowed out of bed before 7 though!) And although i feel tired, it isnt the same kind of tired.

I have been going through homeschool curriculums. There is a conference coming up and i want to be educated when i arrive for the vendors area. None of the curriculums i find really make me feel excited. If i dont feel excited about it, i'm not going to use it. It really is that simple. The kids are so individual that i dont want to buy three separate ones... that would be insanely expensive. And i do want to teach them in each their own way. I wish i felt safer about unschooling.

Also, the time with my Bible is creating so many questions! And sometimes i find it isnt very well written... In the beginning. I think i should draw a quick visual for the family trees!!!

Yarn Along

2011-01-26T07:09:00.003-05:00

Finally! The last sweater to be knit. Not finished, mind you. I have to compete two of them, but this one needs to be done so that my nephews can get their Christmas gifts. I made ties to go with them.

I know that this isnt the best picture, but it is the best my laptop can do. One of my children, who will remain anonymous due only to the fact that i dont know which child it was, has taken my camera without my permission and i cant find it. Yet.

I hope next week to show pictures of the table cloth i am knitting for next Christmas. I am so excited about it!!!

Happy Yarn Along!

2011-01-26T05:19:00.002-05:00

Every night when i get into bed i have the intention to get up and work out in the morning. But here is what usually happens: a child comes in my room between 2 and 4am. Once it is 4, i am usually awake enough to start my day. But really, who wants to start their day at 4 to educate, feed and otherwise entertain 3 children? So i end up falling back to sleep around 5-6, then am a mess when i wake at 7:30- 8.

Today, i am going to get up, work out. Then this afternoon i will nap.

What would you do?

2011-01-18T11:06:00.003-05:00

I truly need to sit and finish the posts i have started. but i am really busy right now. just look at we got:

I'm busy teaching sewing! She is very very excited!!! She is sewing a rag quilt. My mom gave her all the fabric and batting all precut, and the machine was one of my mom's students! it doesnt need a peddle foot. no really! there is a button you press to make it go, and you press it again to make it stop. How easy is that for a little girl!!

Yarn Along

2011-01-12T15:59:00.004-05:00

I am really loving these Yarn Alongs. I feel very excited to see what others are doing! And it keeps me blogging. I try hard to blog... and i have many ideas rolling around in my head. I cant seem to get them out. But this! this i can do! I can show what i am working on, and be inspired at the same time!

This is a scarf that is my go to project. I love it! The wool is hand spun and hand painted. I got it at a large guild sale. When it is done, it will be for my patient husband... i just hope i have enough of the wool!

I love the colours!

2010-12-25T14:40:00.000-05:00

JOY TO THE WORLD!

IT'S A BOY!!!

Yarn Along

2010-12-22T09:42:00.003-05:00

Since last week i still havent found the blue vest. I am starting to freak out a bit. but i did get this done. I havent had time for reading. Other than recipes for the extra house guests. I love my slowcooker!!!

I think that i just might be able to pull this all off. Finish this one, find the blue one and sew ties. Yeah... i can do this. Especially if i dont plan on sleeping.

(this is what i got dont but didnt post to the yarn along because i was too late, so you can see the progress i have made!)

yarn Along

2010-12-18T19:57:00.003-05:00

There is so much still to be done. I have to finish one and a half vests. Get crafts ready for busy children next week. Gifts to wrap, laundry, laundry and more laundry. (now that our washer is fixed, it will be so much easier!!!) get a hotel room booked for my parents... and so on and so on. And this is all in addition to my regular duties. Including but not limited to:

laundry
cooking
cleaning
kissing hurts
helping get on snow gear
laundry
helping get off snow gear
wiping toilet seats that get peed on
making beds
bathing kids
sewing lessons with a very excited little girl
baking
shovelling
laundry (hopefully all caught up by thursday)

Now... the green and the indigo are still needing to be knit. and the lovely blue one is missing!! If you see it, please let me know. I'm sure it is beside my sanity.

Yarn Along

2010-12-08T14:47:00.003-05:00

I stumbled upon this Yarn Along. And i thought to myself, 'i do a lot of knitting!' So i thought i would do a post.

I have been knitting for Christmas. I am done 3 of the 9 things i need to knit. ACK! that is very scary!!! There is so much i still need to knit, and not nearly enough time to do it in.

I am almost half way done one of the projects and cant find the rest of the yarn.... but it just means that i can move on to the next one.

2010-11-18T10:54:00.004-05:00

I often struggle with what the ideal me wants and the realistic me is.

I wish i was one of those people who dont watch tv, and they dont let their children play video games. But i AM one of those people. We LOVE tv. And the video games comes honestly from my husband.

I wish we were surrounded by natural toys and games. And we are moving that way. More crafts and such. But i cant get jul to be anything he is not.

Today, being thursday and the day after awana, we do very little. I think what i will do is take pictures of what i want to be, and put them up. What you wont see is that the kids are all looking at the computer, watching the Nutcracker. :D

Ok, ok... here it is:

And there are glimpses of creativity with jul! He just designed a very cool car on his game....

2010-11-12T15:51:00.002-05:00

We were privileged to be a part of the Remembrance Day celebrations. We watched as an older man cried for his fallen brothers while laying the wreath.

Later on, Oakley started up a conversation with this man and pointed to the many metals on his chest. He tells Oakley that they are from when he was in Germany. Oakley asks if he won the metals, and the poppy. The kind gentleman smiled and said yes. Then dear, sweet Oakley pipes up:

"I know all about metals," pointing to the mans chest and speaking in the way only Oakley can, "Those metals. And Dinosaurs."

Momma said there'd be days like this...

2010-11-10T18:49:00.003-05:00

So, I'm having this rotten day. I am trying my best to have fun with the kids. Make apple butter, pies and jelly. And they are just not being pleasant to be around. And it hits me. My heart is breaking, and in order to try and keep it together, i get angry. I squeeze my heart until i cant breath and all that comes out is anger. (ok ok, that really isnt a new revelation, just i had a day where i actually could see it happening.)

I dont want to be that mom. So, all day long i tried not to get it out. There were a few moments when the anger escaped. The hurt escaped, I should say. I couldnt hold back the crying in the car on the way to get Thomas. I cried because my heart was broken, and i just love my kids so much!

I was wondering how many home-schooling moms (HSM) deal with kids just not listening to them. Mainly because i believe, and i dont know why i believe this, but that other HSM have perfect children who do as they are asked and never need to remind their kids to do their chores.... or their school work. That other HSM never have to raise their voices to get their children's attention. And of course, thinking that way makes me feel like i am a horrible homeschooler. That i am a horrible mom. And that the best thing i could possibly do is put my children in school. Now, this isnt a knock on people who put their kids in school. I believe there is a place for school and that teachers work very hard at what they do, and do a great job at it. But, like any occupation, there are days that you wonder if you made the right career choice. I had one of those days.

I know that it isnt always going to be like this. Messy house, children telling me that they hate me. I know that when i look back on these years,and my grandchildren call me because they think their parents are being unfair, i will smile. I will finally be good at this mothering thing when i no longer have children at home. And that is when i will get to be a GRANDmother. (GRANDparents earned their titles.) So why was today so much harder? Well, sitting and talking to Thomas about it, i think it was really because i was woken 4 times last night. And with that broken sleep, i was unable to parent the way that keeps my heart intact. My heart broke today because i am tired. My children were able to push my buttons in a different way. And they could smell my weakness, so they exploited it. Dont all children?! (that is rhetorical, if you tell me that your children dont, you may very well be banned from my blog.) :)

Today was not apart of our regular routine. I tried something new, on a day that i had little sleep. An exhausting attempt that i ought to have waited to do until i was properly rested. I think i will always question my homeschooling.... you know, the grass is greener on the other side, sort of question. I know. It is still just grass. And things will be different every single day. All i have to do is love my children and purposefully parent. And keep on keeping on. They learn. I just have to facilitate learning, and they learn. Please, dear friends, keep me in check. Remind me from time to time that there are struggles, and that i am not the only one!

An uneducated opinion is no opinion at all.

2010-11-03T11:48:00.003-04:00

I have been struggling with the diagnosis that Jul has a severe learning disability, and with it, ADHD. For those who know Jul i'm sure that isnt much of a surprise. But the consequences from this are rather significant. For years i have felt that Jul is so much brighter than what he can show through school work. This is the proof!!! But trying to get him to understand this, and what it will mean is still a struggle.

This will have life long implications. But will he grow out of it? Could this be because the tests are bias to being difficult for children who have difficulties with tests to begin with?

The psychologist suggested we see a paediatrician regarding his ADHD. But now they want to put him on medication. I have always been adamantly opposed to medication. But what if it will help him? I dont oppose wearing glasses because they are needed. I didnt oppose (too much) when the psychologist suggested that he do math with a calculator. (and remedial math to help his skills.) So why am i so opposed to medication if it will help him control himself and aid his ability to learn?

Any thoughts? Any suggestions? Has anyone else dealt with this? Anyone out there who has been diagnosed and struggled with this?! I cannot make an informed decision without knowledge... and i am only getting bias information from health care practitioners.

My Psalm 121

2010-09-21T21:33:00.002-04:00

Lord I look to you for my strength and sanity.

I cannot do this alone.

Without you, my work and hope is futile.

But it all comes from you.

When I am weak, you sustain me.

When I rage, you calm me.

When i need your protection, it never fails to show up.

And not just a pinch, but in abundance.

You give me more thank I can hold, and provide me more than I could ever comprehend.

I know that when I am at the end of my rope, you will provide a knot for me to hold on to.

You do this in my times of need and my times of abundance.

And you will continue to do so for all eternity.

2010-09-16T15:28:00.001-04:00

I love the smell of yeast proofing.

2010-09-16T11:34:00.002-04:00

It feels nice to have Autumn arriving. We are slowly moving back into a routine. Maybe not the routine i dream of, but hopefully one day it will be. the options we have with being home all day, of school in the morning, and love all afternoon.

Cool days, crisp and wonderfully scented. School is done. Supper is simmering on the stove. I think the kids and i will make bread in the afternoon for supper. I love these days. Calm, quiet days. Rain tapping gently on the roof. So much knitting to be done to keep us warm through the winter.

2010-08-17T20:18:00.001-04:00

So much going on this week. VBS, driving and driving... meals upon meals. laundry, dishes, packing more meals.

and the great distraction.

plus the dog constantly under foot.

2010-07-30T11:25:00.003-04:00

I started writing this while in kingston last. I am coming back this week and needed to finish this.for everyone.

I want to hold onto the this time. My heart is so full that it is overflowing, and i want to catch all the overflow. And there is so much overflow!

I love the moments like rubbing a child's back until their breathing slows and deepens. Their little bodies succumbing to sleep. I love how soft their skin is and smooth their hair. If i could hold onto that moment forever….

It was hard to hold back the tears as i walked into that building. Seeing all the people i love and miss so much gathered together to celebrate the joining of souls. And what a party! Once the music started i had to wipe tears away! If nothing else had happened all day but the music my glass would have overflowed. But there was so much more! The smiles, the exchange, the dishes… so so much.

Sitting on the grass listening to live music. The breeze blowing the smell of beach to me. And not any beach, but that on Lake Ontario. The feel of a quilt made by my mom covering the bumpy grass. The fabric under my toes. Children running around, yelling to each other over the music that sings into my soul.

Hugging a dear friend and then getting to rub her scalp, where her hair once grew. Knowing how blessed i am to have her in my life. The joy and strength of her love and relationship with God is too much for my cup to hold on to. Thank you.

I need to hold onto these moments so that when i return to my real life i will not empty too quickly. I need to hold these in reserve, gerry cans full of these moments. Holding my heart up with love, instead of it dangling in my chest.

Thank you my dear sweet friends. For moments like these!

2010-07-30T11:07:00.002-04:00

There are moms in my life who i admire greatly. And because of that i feel encouraged by my parenting. I like watching and hearing how they deal with difficult situations, i find it reminds me of the type of parent i want to be.

but then there is a difference. Our children. I can do all the things that they do, but still not have their children. I have my own. And sometimes i forget how to parent them.

I know, i know. It is hard to forget. But there are times that i am over tired, or they have been just plain difficult (such as last thursday when Clover stole 4 yogurt drinks for her and Oakley... then later in the afternoon snuck the whole bag of chocolate covered almonds (or amnums as oakley says)).

But in my moments of clarity i am a good mom. And i wish i could always remember how to be a good mom, and not have regrets. I also wish my kids would remember that they are great kids. And in there lies the problem. I often tell them what not to do. And i try to remember to tell them when they are behaving well... but i think i falter there.

My children individually are incredible to take out, or have at home for that matter. But together they feel that they have to vie for my attention. Or they try to one-up the other. This aways leads to disaster. So, for the next few weeks, i am going to remember to treat my kids as if i have them alone. Build up who they are, and why i love them. I'm not going to worry about saying i love you to one, and not the other. They need to see how incredibly special they are to me.

2010-07-28T10:25:00.002-04:00

I am feeling both encouraged and discouraged about this school year. Jul seems to be willing to focus and do work. But Clover, who was more eager for school to begin, is fighting me with everything i want to do! I am noticing, however, that if i tell her what i want her to do, then walk away and leave it, she will come to me with the completed work. I dont know how i feel about this. I feel that i can get better work out of her if she would be willing to work with me. But on the other hand, while she is working with me, she does nothing! I think she is hoping for more intense work. And i think the solution will come, eventually.

One of my ideas for Clover is that i get her a supplement work book. any other ideas?

Apron Dress

2010-06-12T10:51:00.002-04:00

I made these yesterday.

I followed this pattern for the two bigger ones... but i didnt have enough fabric to make the smaller one that way... so i just used Oakley.

Thank you Bridget for such great patterns!

2010-06-12T10:40:00.003-04:00

Last week i was blown away by the thought that God didnt banish us from the garden of Eden out of anger.

Genesis 3:22
And the LORD God said, "The man has now become like one of us,
knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take
also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever."

Why would living forever be a problem? Well, because then He could never redeem us.

WOW

With us being mortal Jesus' blood can cover us, because we can die and be made new.

I am sure that this isnt new to anyone else. But I am still thinking on this, and would love to hear your thoughts.

2010-06-09T21:55:00.001-04:00

Once again my post didnt get completed. another night.

2010-06-05T22:20:00.002-04:00

A beautiful birthday celebration.

Thank you Aphra!!!

crick

2010-06-02T12:26:00.002-04:00

So... with all the difficulties we have had with Jul since we have been here, we have started down a very scary path of 'diagnoses'. We had it suggested that we have an educational assessment done due to the angry and lack of attention with him. And seeing as Dyslexia is a common occurance in my family, i figured i ought to. He has been doing little things that send up flags...

So, the conversation goes something like this, between the psychologist, his assistant and us:

Dr: so tell me about Jul as a baby.

Thomas: always moving, never still.

Dr: was he active in the womb?

Jordin: never stopped moving, was like a mauy thai kick boxer. But he was terrified of loud noises, even then.

Dr: and as a toddler?

Thomas and Jordin: still only when resting.

...the conversation goes on like this for about 5 or so minutes. The Dr then says; 'Usually we only do two test, Intellectual and Educational. The discrepency between them will tell if there is a learning disablilty, but we think,' keep in mind they havent spoken yet, ' that we will do the attention test.'

They look at each other and nod. Stating that it really seems clear that there is an attention problem here. Well... i took him yesterday for the attention test, and i arrived early back to pick him up. The assistant answered the door looking very weary. I think Jul broke her. :)

2010-05-04T12:46:00.002-04:00

I have had so much on my mind lately. And many things i have wanted to jot down. But lately i have been feeling like i dont want to share my thoughts with the masses. I want to have conversations. Deep, meaningful, personal conversations.

They are hard to come by up here. I have found that trying to break through barriers with people has been near impossible. Because i havent been here long, I havent found a niche in peoples lives. And most people around here have been here longer than 2 years, so they dont have any space for new people.

I am guarding my vulnerable heart.

2010-04-07T10:34:00.002-04:00

Why is it so difficult in these free minutes to bless my family instead of ignoring my duties? I could be tidying, washing floors, doing laundry. But instead i sit. Hoping for a distraction. Or inspiration.

Avalon

2010-04-03T21:08:00.004-04:00

So last week after the Homeschooling Conference, I went to Chapters and bought such a great sewing book. I could not wait to get started!!! But it was so beautiful outside.... so what could i do?

Here it is complete! It took 3 days and it is fully lined.Once she went to bed i added a fabric rose and 6 smaller roses. I cant wait to sew more from this book!!!!

2010-04-01T11:10:00.001-04:00

It is way too beautiful to be inside today. And i happen to have this incredible Victorian porch.... i do believe that my sewing and i shall enjoy the day today.

2010-03-26T11:37:00.002-04:00

So lent is almost over. I have spent lent without Facebook. It might sound trivial, but it has been especially hard. I use Facebook to feel connected to my friends who are far from me, friends who are close that i want to make plans with, and as a diversion.

I really miss being close to certain friends. I love seeing their updates telling me what is going on in their lives. Little blips into what they are experiencing. But what has happened without Facebook, i have no idea what is happening. I miss them terribly.

Then the friends closer to me, making plans with them with Facebook has been fast, simple and it takes no time. I just send a note, wait for them to respond, and done! I have to do so much more in order to make plans; find their phone number, call them, wait for them to either answer or leave a message. then they have to call me back. The kids always seem to know when i am on the phone and make as much noise as possible.

And the diversion it makes helps me calm down in my frustration, it helps me procrastinate, and it is also a reward; 'i will clean the kitchen and have 15 mins of surfing friends status'.

But i have been terribly lonely. I wise person asked me if it was a good thing to give up if i was feeling so lonely. I would have to say yes! It has forced me to move my relationship with God deeper. And isnt that the whole point of lent? I have had something to bring to Him in a way that makes me crave Him to fill a void and makes me want to continue longer with Him.

I rediscovered my deep longing to be romanced by God. At least that is how i felt in the beginning. My prayers became less asking for help to feel less lonely, to much quieter. Less words. More heart. Now towards the end i really want to romance God.

If we are created in His image my desire to be loved deeply, and to be beloved has to be like His. I am created like Him. He too wants to be sought after, pursued and courted. This is not new to me. Just now it is so much deeper.

I have discovered that i have substitute my earthly friendships in place of God. Mainly because they are quick and easy. Some are deep and fulfilling. But none really fill the gap in my heart that God has. And even though i often avoid it, our relationship needs to be as cultivated as any other. I need to take time and pursue, intentionally, my Love and Saviour.

Dear Facebook friends, i will be returning soon!

2010-03-11T07:30:00.002-05:00

I am laying on a love-seat, in a suite, in downtown Montreal. Sans kids. I am up early out of habit, but it doesnt matter, i can always have a nap this afternoon!!!

My sweet and wonderful children are with grand parents. My sister booked me this freaking awesome hotel, with a whirlpool tub for two. And i got to see Alice in Wonderland in Imax 3D last night.

I am so at peace right now.... and so at home in the city that even the traffic and noises are like lullabies to me.

Hmmm.... i wonder what they will be serving for breakfast.

2010-03-01T14:37:00.002-05:00

What if we all believed that our children were more capable than we think?

It really is US, the adults, who can either inspire, or hinder our children. It is usually me that stops my children from doing something amazing. But, i know my children can do so much more. When i get out of the way.

:) the link is amazing.

yum

2010-02-13T13:21:00.002-05:00

This is worth a re-post.

cake in a cup

I first blogged about it in 2008, and now with chocolate chips!!!!

2010-02-07T21:00:00.002-05:00

Today I felt moved by the sermon. Motivated to really change. I am scared because it will hurt, I will have difficulties and fail at times, but i want to change. my family is my work and if i do it, as the bible says, 'as if working for the Lord', then i ought to be doing so much more!!! I need to be doing so much more. I can make my home so much more wonderful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_6y1CieJHo

watch this. amazing

2010-02-07T20:51:00.002-05:00

Clover: Mommy, do you know what my favourite type of chicken in?

Mommy: Uh, drumsticks?

Clover: NO! Pork!

oh... really.

2010-01-27T17:18:00.002-05:00

Clover: mommy... (something incomprehensible)

Me: Clover, what did you say?!

Clover: Mommy, I said that I cant lick my belly!

oh... i see.

Ball

2010-01-18T10:30:00.002-05:00

This February I will be attending my very first Mess Dinner. Thomas will be wearing this:

(note: Thomas looks much more handsome)

I must wear "appropriate attire". But what does that mean?

I have decided that i would like to rewear something, or buy something used. If anyone has something they dont mind me trying to wear, i am open to suggestions.

I feel a drive to Kitchener and Value Village coming soon.

back to the grindstone

2010-01-11T09:31:00.002-05:00

St. Francis de Sales:

Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself; I mean,
don't
be disturbed about your imperfections, and always have the courage to pick
yourself up after a fall. I'm very glad to hear that you make a fresh start
each
day. There is no better way of growing toward perfection in the
spiritual
life than to always be starting over again and never thinking that
we have done
enough.
But most important, don't lose heart, be patient,
wait, do all you
can to develop a spirit of compassion. I have no
doubt that God is holding
you by the hand; if he allows you to stumble, it
is only to let you know that if
he were not holding your hand, you would
fall. This is how he gets you to
take tighter hold of His
hand.

Thank you Lord, for the time You gave us over Christmas. Help me not to squander even one second on emotions that arent becoming of you. And for me not to linger on regret when i am less than loving. Bring me closer to You and being like You this year.

32

2010-01-10T16:48:00.004-05:00

Dear Rachel

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! May today , and this year be the best yet!

Thank you for your friendship and your kindness. Thank you for challenging me gently and

helping me see what is truly important.

I only wish my words wouldnt fail me every time i try to express how wonderful you are and how valuable your friendship is to me.

its so hard to be 3

2010-01-10T16:35:00.002-05:00

I sat, numb-bummed, for about 2 hours whilst Oakley slept on the couch. When he woke, i asked him how he was doing. "Not good," he says.

Not good?! how can he not be good he just slept for 2 hours. "Not good?" says I.

Oakley; "It was a hard day."

Final injury for 2009

2010-01-07T15:21:00.002-05:00

...and it was me.

So, if you all remember, the first injury was Oakley. He fell and needed stitches (in the form of strips) on his eyelid. Then Thomas broke his toe. Then Clover broke her wrist. Thomas broke his other foot. The the catastrophic break of Jul's arm.

We had a good six months of no injuries, or ER visits. It was so nice. Then while in Kingston, Thomas took the kids skating on a lake. My mom and i joined them after they had started. I dont really remember going skating, or taking my skates off.... or going back to my moms house. But i do remember waking up on the ice (kinda) and i remember throwing up.

I was standing on the ice, doing.. i dont know what. Then i felt like my head had been split open by an ax. I fell while standing. Thomas took me to the Napanee Hospital. I got to have xrays. And then i got to be the butt of many jokes. My skull wasnt cracked, thankfully, but the Dr 'saw nothing'. Get it? Yeah.... it was cute the first few times.

So, i had a 'boxers concussion'. That means i bruised both the front and back of my brain. Not fun. But i survived.

While hooked up to the moniters, my heart rate jumped when Thomas touched me. It was really cool. So i told him to tell me something to see if it would race again. He said "I am ready to adopt again". My heart did nothing. I told him it was because i didnt believe him. But it is true. For those of you who are privy to all the details with our previous experience, we have called the CAS and are starting.

Happy New Year to you all! And please pray for our family as we try to grow.

i should have taken a picture

2009-12-07T23:57:00.002-05:00

This evening was lovely! I think the nicest i have had since moving to OS.

Thank you ladies for coming to my home, not eating nearly enough and driving the distance. It was a blast. We really should do this every month or so!!! Maybe next time i wont bake quite so much.

2009-12-03T13:49:00.002-05:00

i dreamed last night that when i put my hand on my stomach i could feel a baby move... and i could feel the baby's back. I was so excited, so i took a pregnancy test and it was negative. I was frustrated and crushed.

oh yummy!!!

2009-12-01T19:41:00.002-05:00

Metro had chickens on sale. I wasnt sure what to do with it. so i did this. I put rosemary under the skin, wrapped it with more rosemary and lemongrass. I also zested a Clementine putting it everywhere. I also put a Clementine inside the chicken with the spices.

It was so stinking good. And the soup the next day was even better!!!

1+1=2

2009-11-27T16:03:00.000-05:00

"Math has proven the existence of God, because it is absolute and without contradiction; the devil must exist as well, because we cannot
prove
it."

I believe in God. Not just any God. But the One True God. I see His hand in everything and everywhere. For me believing is as simple as primary school mathematics. Truly. As knowledge grows from first experiences, so does our skills. No longer are questions simplistic, as they blossom into mind blowing, earth shattering difficult equations that cause us to question if we really can solve the problems given to us.

Whole numbers are beautiful to me. I loved math while in school. Calculus, trigonometry, you name it and i loved it! It made sense to me. In the early grades math tests were fun. The answers were always in front of me. Whole math is simple. 1+1=2. The numbers are the same on both sides of the equal sign. 5+5=10 or 3+2+5, Pythagorean Theorem is the same thing, only you substitute numbers for 'unknowns' and, thus, it all equals out again. It beautiful and perfect.

Math is simple. If I have one cookie and then I am given another, i now have 2 cookies. It is constant, and beyond language barriers. One doesnt need to know how to read or write, but all know that 1+1=2. Maybe they cant write it out, but it is common knowledge. As simple as this is, it can, and does, get substantially more complicated. God is in the simple too. I can find Him in a painting and and in the beauty of a math problem. I cant paint, nor can i do Fournier math problem. But He is still in both these beautiful things. Just like a tree is simple, until you go deeper in how it works.

Thomas once told me about how in one of his math classes they had to prove some formula, only to find out that it was already proven. It was super hard with a calculator and florescent lighting, and it was proven in the 1700's, by some guy at a desk with an oil lamp. God does exist. I remember a time in my life where i needed to prove EVERYTHING. I needed to convince everyone that 1+1=2. It was the coolest thing ever. Tests were everywhere. I dont feel the same anymore. The concept of infinity is interesting... does it exist? What about zero? The ancient Greeks didnt believe in zero. I dont feel the need to prove it, I just accept the crazy formula.

one hand old

2009-11-27T09:51:00.009-05:00

<=from this to

this => Birthday girl!

Five years ago i didnt even know her yet. But i knew she was coming. ok, i didnt even know if 'it' was a she! But the anticipation was too much.

2 years old

I didnt know what it would be like to have 2. I didnt know that my heart would grow to love so many more people than just her.

2 years old

3 years old

We never had a dedication service for her, everyone was already dedicated to her. Devoted to her, endlessly and hopelessly. Prayers of protections surrounded her from day one.

3 years old

How much she has grown! She knows more flowers than i do. Hates injustice, loves pink. Very sure of what she wants to do and what she does not want to do. She wants everything to be beautiful. And she makes it that way. Everything she touches.

(pictures she drew on the cottage walls and the shoes she decorated to be 'prettier')

4 years old

Today she is one whole hand old. She has blessed me in so many ways.

birthday party

simply gorgeous.

Happy Birthday!!

2009-11-13T16:34:00.002-05:00

Dear Aphra

I am blessed to know you. You are a kind, wise and dear person. Thank you for caring about me. I hope today is wonderful! I am sorry that i cant be there to wish you a Happy Birthday in person, I would have baked you a cake, or at least brought you a cupcake.

Happy Birthday! May this year bring you a renewed and rested heart. May your nights be still and quiet and your days peaceful.

Love me.

Thankful

2009-10-21T12:03:00.002-04:00

Things havent been better in quite awhile here! School is going well. The house is... well, it will be tidy before 4 tonight. And to night the kids go to AWANA. All my objections to this program aside, i get a date night with my husband because of it.

Thank you Rachel! Without your help, i wouldnt be here.

Can you believe i dont have a straight on picture of Rachel?!

2009-10-16T15:13:00.002-04:00

OH MY GOODNESS!!! I do believe that my next week of meals are going to come from HERE!

I'll let you all know what i made next week.

Nice

2009-10-15T20:20:00.002-04:00

I love a clean, tidy house. It brings me joy and peace.

But my house is almost never tidy. It is usually very messy. I try very hard to keep it tidy, but i find it horribly overwhelming. Not because there is so much to keep tidy, but because i dont know where to begin. I have a clean house, just not a tidy one.

I decided to help myself i clean the kitchen right after supper. Without a tidy kitchen in the morning i am miserable and start the day stressed. I dont seem to know what to do with the clutter and mess. This wasnt a problem in Kingston when Rachel and i would get together! We took turns cleaning and tidying. I have done very well, i think. My house has been clean AND tidy for almost a month now!

Muirgen, i think you will be happy with coming over now.

2009-10-04T12:11:00.001-04:00

I could eat a whole batch of brownies. But i dont think its a good idea. Nor will it change anything.

2009-09-28T15:17:00.002-04:00

In, i think, April we were visited by the "Welcome Wagon" lady came with her package. It was nothing exciting, really. But in it there was this. It has been a wonderful way to discover the area. We have made several trips to get punches for the passport, and have had a blast doing so!

This weekend we decided to try to get the rest of the punches, having only 5 left. It was such a wonderful adventure!!! We found wonderful places and nice people. We stayed here on our very first camping trip. And on Sunday we had brunch here. We needed reservations for the brunch, which had live music!!! And it was AMAZING!!!!! There were all kinds of salads and fruit and quiche (which i dont eat, but i know people love it) and the very best hash browns i have ever had!!!

It was so wonderful all weekend that we almost stayed an extra night! But this morning at 7 am we were all alarmed by the HUGE thunder rumbling over us, and we were happy to be in our home!

2009-09-25T22:47:00.002-04:00

Today Jul went to have his remaining pin removed. I didnt know how long we would be so i took my knitting with us. I also took a few skeins of wool to ball.

Jul did really well. We waited for hours. HOURS!!! Shortly after we arrived i started to wrap this lovely skein of hand painted wool Beautiful stuff. Then it all went bad. Really bad. I got a knot. It just... looked awful!!! Apparently everyone watched me the whole time. A few people pointed out that i had quite a mess going on. After five hours (really, we sat there for longer, but that's how long it took for the knot) i did it! I had it completely untangled. I sighed a satisfied sigh. The old man across from me noticed. He pointed out to everyone else that i had finished, and they applauded me.

What a funny thing to happen in the waiting room for day surgery.

2009-09-21T13:49:00.002-04:00

My house looks like a hurricane went through. And in away it did. Summer was wrapped into about one week.

I canned by myself for the first time. I am terrified that i did it wrong. I still have to make some pickles, apple sauce and apple jelly. I wish terribly that i had a pressure cooker.

Is it chicken pox season yet? I need to find someone to infect my children.

2009-09-15T09:16:00.002-04:00

today will be beautiful. bright. joyful. it will be full and serene. rediscovering lost things, arranging adored objects, removing the objects that will be adored by another. time together, working and sharing. exploring feelings, finding God in the mundane and in the beautiful.

this is my joy.

2009-09-01T13:51:00.003-04:00

I am an arachnophobia. Terrified. I would convince kids at camp that the spiders up in the corners of their bunks were great because they would keep mosquitoes away, but secretly i couldnt help them. I watched a documentary about them, which made me less horrified. However, they still freak me out.

When i had children i didnt want to pass my fear onto them. So i can trap them and release them outside. I can even help my daughter find them for pets. But... when they are this big... well, thats just wrong!

I took these at our cottage. We had to pass these on a bush on our way to the water. You can get an idea how big they are because the leaves are pretty average... most know the size of a web and of spiderlings. And yes, there were two. TWO!!!!

2009-08-31T12:34:00.002-04:00

In the front of our house is a retaining wall. It frames our house with hedges on top. I love how it looks! It gives the house a very hidden appearance. It feels so... not innercity.

But every so often, more often in the warmer weather, people place their litter on it. Pop cans, empty packaging, coffee cups. Anything they dont want to transport to an actual garbage either sits on the wall itself or under the hedge, slightly out of view.

Jul takes this as a personal insult. It infuriates him when he finds something on the wall or on our lawn. He doesnt understand why they use our yard.

The other day Jul screamed, beckoning me to him Broken bones still fresh in my mind I tear out to the front. Jul yells; 'They littered again!!!'

This is what i found.

2009-08-29T21:09:00.002-04:00

This week i was able to go to the CNE. FOR FREE!!! The army offered free admission, and free transportation. I was incredibly apprehensive to go alone with the three kids, and since Thomas wasnt able to go i thought i would ask our babysitter to help out. This girl, this young woman is just amazing! She played with them, kept them close to her. My extra set of eyes who can be the coolest person to my kids. They love her, and it is obvious. Clover will give her hugs freely, which is remarkable!!! And how she interacts with my children!!! I do not pay her enough. And i said that, bragging to all the others there. It back-fired though, when another mother asked for her number to sit for her. But that is why i pay this girl $10 an hour. Even though she told me that she normally only charges $5. Five?! I'm sure that most people only pay that to their sitters, but I was getting paid that when i was 12. I told her that there has to be at least some inflation over the years.... and that getting paid that much (i hope) help pay for some extra loyalty.

I am hoping to employ her often.

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE SQUIMISH.

2009-08-12T20:07:00.004-04:00

Today, through a series of events that can only be God's hand directing them, Jul is now being seen by the surgeon that we wanted him to be seen by. Tonight, Thomas said he was so glad that now Jul is being taken care of by this new doctor and Jul shrugged and said:

"God was always taking care of me."

So true, my love, so true.

Oh, how i wish i could.

2009-08-10T23:11:00.003-04:00

The other day Oakley comes to me and asks; 'Mommy can you hold me?'

I reach down and pick him up and say of course.... but his response, as he wraps his little arms around me, lays his head on my shoulder and with as much conviction as a 2 year old has:

'Mommy, can you hold me forever?'

Horrors!!!

2009-07-26T23:02:00.001-04:00

Okay...

Most know already. But Jul broke his arm. I am traumatized still. But all is mending.

I have been sewing a fair bit. I have enjoyed the time creating.

These skirts are because my mom wanted some skirts for her granddaughters... i made two of the first one.

This was made from the left overs.And this is just cute.

I have chive seeds, does anyone want some?

2009-07-13T10:38:00.003-04:00

I just spent the better part of 90 minutes reclaiming my garden from the weeds that grew up from within. All the weeds that werent being removed and all the grew to enormous heights! And the things i thought might be flowers and allowed them to continue to bloom only to find out that they were in fact weeds that were strangling my lovely flowers.

My life is like this too. I love the flowers. I love the blooms and i want them. just enjoy was has been growing i am over taken by what grew from within, under the lovely things. The weeds grow up and strangle out the parts that have been cultivated and valuable. I work hard at being all the things that are in Galatians:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

I want to show love to everyone and i work hard at being patient. But when i think i have grown until i have reached the end state (the bloom and i can sit and enjoy the beauty, a weed comes up and starts to strangle out any joy i might have. It happens slowly. And i dont notice, because i am no longer 'tending' my garden. I forget to look under the leaves for the sprouts that are going to strangle out what the Spirit has worked so hard in cultivating.

It made me think about the parable of the seed:

Again Jesus began to teach by the lake. The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake, while all the people were along the shore at the water's edge. He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: "Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times."

~Mark 4

Maybe this isnt just about spreading 'The Good News' seed. Maybe this is something within us too. We interact with people all the time. As we hope to plant little seeds within them, they also plant little seeds within us. Some are wonderful seeds that bare fruit, while others still are weeds. And even the most beautiful gardens can go wild.

I must be ever vigilant to keep these pressed on my heart. To remember that rest doesnt mean unaware. And i need to remember that the rest is to renew my heart to keep going strong.

Oh, we're all over that!

2009-06-29T14:19:00.002-04:00

In order to keep some kind of record for school i have been sitting down once a week and writing down what we have done during the week. I was thinking that last week we didnt do all that much, until i started writing it all down.

I find it really reassuring that we do so much, even when i dont see it! We went to a very large market, they had EVERYTHING you could imagine!!! And we only did about a quarter of it! And the library to do research for essays (Jul is doing his on spiders, Clover on giraffes). We planned, advertised and organized a lemonade stand. Lots of baking and lemon squeezing. And so much more.

This morning, we did our school work at the beach. It has been great.

I will leave you with a new Julism: its a bright as a pocket full of monkeys!

2009-06-21T20:27:00.002-04:00

I have tried for years to grow flowers at my old house. I tried so many different things, and the only plants that would grow were the ones that were there already. I bet that will be the case here too. But thankfully, the previous owners and i have the same taste in plants. The only thing that worried me, was the colour.

Since the ground started to thaw, and the enormous amount of snow melt, things have been popping up everywhere! Unsure what is weed or not as things progressed, i did very little. But now i have a pink rose bush, iris (my favourite) in two different purples, and poppies. I was very concerned about the colour of the poppies. I am not a fan of the orange ones. I was hoping for blue, but knowing that was unlikely, either red or pink.

Here's what i got!

From this picture, and as it was opening, it was still hard to tell if it was going to be orange or pink:

Then it was obviously a pinkie salmon colour:

As the petals finally fell away, i noticed this... strange colouring at the centre:Then this!!! How cool is this!? The circles in the centre were hard to pick up on the camera but they are purple!
On another note, these are what i made for my secret sisters' birthday on Friday.... i am very pleased with them and am making more handkerchiefs. (even the neighbour boy, who's eleven, wanted some!)

2009-06-15T07:51:00.002-04:00

....i am still around. I have been blogging, just not posting.

But what is on my mind this morning, and has been for a little while, is the growing idea that people should have many many children at whatever the cost. It breaks my heart to hear people say these things. Not because i dont agree with them. I fully support relying on God for the size of my family. But what if God doesnt give you children the old fashioned way? What if adoption isnt an option for your family, and there many reasons for this besides the common financial reason. Or... i hate to say it, but what if someone just isnt a good parents and shouldnt have more?

People find that they ought to be responsible with their time and their money, and many kids are just irresponsible. They take up time and money and, dammit, i need me time. Well, even one child is inconvenient. That one child means that your life is no longer your own. But we as followers of God will have hopefully learned that before, seeing as we dedicated our lives to Him. Our lives were never ours to begin with.

It isnt about me anymore! Its not about me when it comes to the children, and its not about me when it comes to God. I wish i could have more, but that isnt under my control. Nor is it under my control if my child eats or sleeps. The only thing under my control is my attitude towards everything that God (and my children) throw my way. I can choose to be angry when my children break things, or freak out and embarrass me, or at God not giving me children. Or I can accept that things like this are beyond my control and and my response is all that matters. I want my heart to be joyful. I want my heart to be a grateful one. And i am working on both of those with God's help, not just from Him, but the gifts he has given me.

Then there are those who expand their families through adoption. This has become a difficult one. It is very, very expensive. Fostering is heartbreaking. Children are being born into families with adults who shouldnt be parents. These people are now being given the opportunity to value the gifts given to them by God, because of financial assistance. I am not saying that everyone getting financial assistance is a bad parent. There are many bad parents who many a lot of money... but that goes to another point that Children Services are failing our most precious treasures.

God doesnt always bless us the way we would like. Children dont always behave they way we would like. And we are children of God, we dont behave the way God would want.

...this is not a clear representation of what i think, just pieces of broken thoughts.

shame

2009-06-01T21:54:00.002-04:00

i am shamed. I am discussed with myself. I try to justify it, but it still sits bad.

I have been shopping at WalMart. I am so limited... and i cant justify spending a tonne of money on clothing. And considering i cant shop second hand well here, and the stores they have are expensive.

.....But, i have shopped at the evil place.

sorry.

2009-05-28T08:51:00.002-04:00

"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart" ~ Psalm 37:4

This verse confuses and hurts me.

BEST MUFFINS EVER!!!

2009-05-26T18:19:00.003-04:00

ok... i found this recipe.

Then i altered it. And it is the best ever!!!

Preheat oven to 375
1 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup oatmeal
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt

mix in medium bowl and set aside.

Cream together until fluffy:
1 cup unsalted butter
3/4 cup each brown and white sugar
1 tsp vanilla
add 3 eggs one at a time

alternately add 1/3 cup milk or cream and flour mixture to creamed sugars

fold in 1 cup milk chocolate chips. Scoop into muffin tins, then sprinkle with sugar crystals (chunks).

Bake for 30 mins. (makes 12 muffins)

so very yummy!!!!

2009-05-26T09:11:00.004-04:00

Funniest thing that happened today...

2009-05-24T22:24:00.001-04:00

wasnt by one of the kids. But instead was done by my husband who was trying to kill a mosquito inside the car by turning on the windshield wipers, on the outside.

I dunno... it really struck me funny.

2009-05-21T15:10:00.001-04:00

wow... is he ever cute!!!

(the one with eyes)

2009-05-20T12:35:00.002-04:00

I have started an experiment around here this week. It isnt anything exciting, or even necessary in many houses. But the tv plug has been removed and there is no media in this house for one week. This may be extended. I have enjoyed Jul coming out of his shell and the loss of his bad attitude. He was happy to stay home last night from Kung Fu... i think he was just happy to be with us.

I have been reading the book 'Have a New Kid by Friday'. I love some of the ideas, like: Saying something only once, and letting reality be the teacher. But there are things i really dont like... it feels like the relationship is conditional on the childs behaviour. I think i will take somethings from it, and leave others. I will definately take the mentality that if they cant do as i ask, i dont have to do as they ask. I think that is reasonable. If i ask for something to be done once, (saying it more than once implies that they are 'too stupid to understand the first time') we will call this 'A', and it isnt done, they dont get to do 'B'. But i do feel that this approach is lacking unconditional compassion. So i ordered 'Unconditional Parenting' to balance it.

Our garden is doing well... i will post pictures soon.

2009-05-15T07:02:00.003-04:00

I sit and read peoples blogs and i'm afraid that life happens outside of Owen Sound. It is as if everyone in growing and moving. And i wish i were too. I wish the walls would fly far from here. I wish it were an easier world to navigate, to come and go between places easier. I wish everyone could see how funny my kids are... like when Oakley puts his ear to the bowl with pretzels saying there is noise coming from them. I wish my sunflower house would grow big and strong. And that my garden would flourish. I wish i could eat slower. I wish my chocolate creme brulee didnt have cayenne pepper in it last night. I wish my friday night get-togethers with my beloved friends could happen tonight!

Two years. How much will everything change? I can only imagine.

I can imagine my garden fragrant and bountiful. I can imagine my children playing and it bringing tears to my eyes because i am so filled with joy. Or times with friends that do the same, and laughing so hard all night that my stomach hurts the next day. I can imagine G*d blessing my family with more little feet running through my home. (I just cant imagine how He plans on doing it.) I can imagine my house being as beautiful everyday. (i think that will require a maid!!)

I love that my day has many hours in it still.

2009-05-04T15:57:00.003-04:00

I want to do well

I try hard and think of many fun things for my beloved children to do... as far a schooling goes. Drawing, mathematics, science, english, music... all sorts of things. I become so excited about it. Only to find that my kids arent interested. Not when i try to show them something. I get discouraged by this because i find so many people who can help facilitate wonderful experiences for their children and their children embrace them. My kids dont care. They dont care how much effort or time or love i have put into something. If they arent interested there is no way to get them to focus. At least not on me when i am trying to teach them.

But i also try not to stress too much about this. Or about how i wish my kids would do 'x' or 'y'. I watch them seek these out on their own time. And that is why i do this. That is why my children fascinate me.

Some days are filled with what i feel are great learning experiences. Others i feel my day slipped by with nothing checked off but play. Although i know that play is important, i do still worry someday that my children arent at the right 'level of learning'. I do worry.

Then i watch them play. I watch Jul get a high school on "Brain Quest". And i read things like this. And i feel better.